Podcast Episode: Finding Your Voice Through Grief, Loss, and Resilience with Julia Poet

Transcript

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:25.781)

Julia, welcome to the podcast.

Julia Poet (00:32.086)

Yeah!

Julia Poet (00:47.054)

Thank you for having me.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:50.907)

What is your key message that you want to share with everybody?

Julia Poet (00:56.91)

say that no matter how dark it gets, the silver lining within that is it's so easy to see even the smallest of lights. And I really acquired that thinking when I was going through my first year of grief when I lost my mother about two years ago. We're on the third year now.

So that would definitely be my message, I would say.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (01:31.125)

What happened?

Julia Poet (01:33.88)

So my mother, it was kind of a combination of things. Not one like detrimental or yeah, not one illness in per se, complications of diabetes and mixed also with my mother, did struggle with depression. She comes from a line of just really mentally tough family members. But also with that, I noticed that

She just never really was able to voice what she needed for herself. So, and in the end, the mental health, do believe it had to be a part of it, her diabetes, and also she got COVID when they were moving her, and moving her in between the hospital to ICU, to this, to that. And I mean, yes, it makes some sense, because we're talking about a 75 year old woman with an odd immune. She is a you know, I'm a complex immune system. That's not as strong. So it was a combination of things, the sad part was is that it happened over the course of ten Years of her declining so from me Alexi. I'm 29 now she passed when I was 27, and from 27 back to I want to say 15, I did take on the role of caregiving, you know, as you do for for your family. So that was that's a little look into, you know, and as I'm such an open book about this part of my life. One thing that I think a lot of us who have experienced loss, want to say more or have this be heard more is we want to talk about it, right? We want to

You know, we want to be asked these questions. yeah, little bit of insight into that.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (03:38.077)

You took on caregiving at a young age. How did that and I wanted to express so much sympathy for your loss, of course.

Julia Poet (03:48.192)

Thank you. Thank you.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (03:51.787)

How did that caregiving responsibility impact your career?

Julia Poet (03:58.156)

Oh man, it really, was, that's a great question. It both motivated me, but also amplified my anxiety. The motivation definitely came from, you know, I wanna work hard, like, I didn't know how much time I had with my mom in general. So in a way, I was putting this pressure on myself to beeline.

like graduating from college and which she did watch from heaven. However, it was certain accomplishments that really I wanted her to be there for and she was there for a lot of them. But it was tied in with my anxiety because you can't, especially with being an author and writing books, you can't really rush that process. There are some things that are really out of your control. The overall struggle,

of, you know, like if mom had a bad day, for example, she, my mother was incontinent. And so we helped her change. And if there were times that there were kind of bad days with that, it leaves an impression on my mental. And I, there were some days I just didn't want to do the work. So now I would say since her passing, I really use it. I try and use it more as, as motivation.

You know, like I know I'm so blessed to know what I meant to do and what I was put here on this earth to do. So now that she's watching all of it, you know, it kind of brings me a sense of comfort.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (05:41.661)

I see, I see. And you mentioned the writing. What is your focus in your writing?

Julia Poet (05:47.634)

So I am a five time award winning poet. my focus of writing is tied back into what I had stated earlier, is to shed the light on some of the darkest experiences of my life. And so I am the author of Progression, a collection of poetry on addiction, grief and loss.

love and overcoming and in that order I talk about, know, just really like I guess I expose my own, you know, transgressions and also what it was like to be a caregiver like especially through the last, you know, year I would say of her life because I got the spark and the motivation to write progression when

I wanted something to relate to. I didn't have any poetry that I could find on any market, talking about being a caregiver and, know, or what it's like to go through hardships of addiction. And so that's why I decided to write it.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (07:04.817)

You say that with so much joy.

Julia Poet (07:07.44)

Yeah. I thank you for noticing it. I mean, it's such a blessing. It's such a I am a spiritual person in the in the regards of I didn't take my second chances on life for granted. So I guess it's also a natural state of being for myself. I'm quite the beaming person, but I to I have put myself in places and situations to where to be sitting here right now.

talking about it, I can't really help but smile because, you know, I, I, there was a time where I did struggle with substance abuse and during like the grief era, really, really bad, like badly. And what got me out of that was, was this imagining this moment right now. So yeah, I guess that's why I say I would smile. Well, just talking about this, you know, getting the opportunity to speak on it.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (07:58.037)

This moment

Imagining this moment.

Julia Poet (08:06.726)

You

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (08:08.875)

That is so sweet. It sounds like in your darkest moments your hope and your vision was that you would end up sharing your story and that is where you found purpose.

Julia Poet (08:23.814)

Yes, absolutely. I also like to say to myself, humor in my family and in life, because we have to laugh. We have to have a good sense of humor in this life. So I always say, at least, I didn't make it through X, Y, and Z to not do something about it. So, yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (08:44.851)

Absolutely. Which people do you have in mind the most when you are sharing your story? Are you thinking about other caregivers? Are you thinking about people who are struggling with their mental and physical health? Who do you think of when you are sharing your truth?

Julia Poet (09:07.504)

I think about, yeah, actually in that order, think about people who have been young caregivers or are currently caregiving. I mean, it's rare to find caregivers as young as I was. However, I have had fans reach out to me.

and say exactly that like, my gosh, I never thought I'd find something like this on the show. And definitely, yes, definitely anyone who has any relation to going through anything with depression, anxiety, struggling with substance abuse disorders, all the above, absolutely. And in a way, I think about my past self as well.

you know, and I see her kind of sitting in the back of my mind, you know, and I just, think more so I'm like, what was I feeling back then that I can now articulate into words? Great question. I liked that one.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (10:15.339)

For sure.

I'm so curious about those phases that you overcame. I'm wondering what did anxiety and depression actually look like for you? You're a writer, so what was a moment in that space actually feeling like, looking like?

Julia Poet (10:39.62)

I can give a very good just looking like I am I am a high functioning person when it comes to just in general my life. But therefore with my anxiety, I will. What's the saying? I kind of panic clean a lot like I can't sit still. You'll never see my house cleaner until like I have a deadline coming up or you know, something like that. So I try to keep myself busy.

which in turn is avoidancy. At the core of it, I'm avoiding what is triggering my anxiety. I mean, will really... In a sense, I do still struggle with this from time to time. I really will go out of my way to not confront myself. Because to know... I knew everything at 19, but nothing at 29.

And so, yeah, that's something that I've noticed. And I mean, to put myself in situations where, you know, to get back into life, especially after the loss of mom, I really had to say, do it scared, do it anxious, just do it. Because half the time nobody knows what they're doing anyways. So, and no question is a dumb question. So those...

sayings are definitely what will help me face whatever I am avoiding because my anxiety is it shines avoidance. Now my depression my depression is is when I will that's that was my depression is when I will shut the world out. I will put my phone on do not disturb. I don't want to hear from anybody.

This is usually when I have friends and loved ones calling me like, hey, you okay? Should we come over with dinner or something? Because I am known as being such a cheery, strong and upbeat person, I would say that my depression looks very isolating because I don't want people to see me like that. I am also learning in current day.

Julia Poet (13:01.652)

that vulnerability and is not only extremely hard to express even to our loved ones, but it is really, it really just, it's such a humanistic trait versus me thinking I need to look like this super productive, outgoing force all the time. So I'm learning the balance and grace of how to express, you know, like when my mental days are not the greatest.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (13:31.477)

There is so much there. I'm seeing a sense of wearing a mask, of not wanting people to see something beyond the joyful, bright, happy version. It sounds like it's so good to be happy and to portray happiness. But do you think that sometimes

We want to just be happy all the time and do you think that we don't know how to sit with those other feelings because it's uncomfortable?

Julia Poet (14:17.245)

I've read lately in New Age psychology terms, toxic positivity is a real thing. I mean, yes, I agree with all of that. And especially because we fall, and especially for myself specifically, I fall into being a pathological people pleaser. I want to get

either recognition, validation, or something that I really need to extrapolate from myself. I think societally, women especially, are trained to do this. I think that we have this pressure on us to be this lovely, inviting, warm presence of

of just, you know, joy and all that's all that, you know, wonderful emotion. However, it, I seriously think I know I have lost myself in doing that. I've lost myself in relationships where I've pushed like this image of if I act this way, then either my doubt and depression will just kind of magically

go away or yeah or that's about it. But I definitely believe that overall we women in this world today are definitely almost taught to do that from like the most young age. I mean how many times I've heard like you're so much you know like smile like or don't you know act this way if you know your life is going which way. But I really believe that we need to invite in the emotions that we avoid.

That are and sit with them. I like and what that translates to me is you need to get better at sitting with silence That is something myself personally. I do struggle with I will always kind of have something constantly going and I've actually recently noticed I was like Why is that like let's try driving in the car without you know, having constant music on like let myself think even if that does mean you know going back to processing the things that I

Julia Poet (16:39.749)

I do not want to always feel. But at the end of the day, I am always proud of any increment that I allow myself to do that.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (16:51.945)

I would trust that this peace, this quiet would help your writing as well.

Julia Poet (17:00.279)

Ooh, you're right. You are actually very, right. I have, so I evolve in how I write my style and everything. One thing I've noticed is I have been, my better verses are coming out in silence. Usually I'll write some music, not always with lyrics, but you are, there's an art to that that I'm finding out. So I agree with you.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (17:28.959)

Yes, and it was so good to hear that you have had this experience of been thinking about a lot where women are expected to be a particular way. It's it's tough because we have so much insight. And let me know if you've seen this. We know all these truths and then

There's a silencing of more than ourselves, but there's a silencing of our truths when people are saying Well, people are expecting us to simply be less of whatever we're becoming, basically. Just don't rock the boat, things like that. There's how to put that how to put it. I have seen people saying.

absolutely smile more than used to come up and basically if you're allowed, if you have a loud voice, then people notice. So did you find that overcoming that, it helps you to share what you know as well as who you are?

Julia Poet (18:25.804)

yeah.

Julia Poet (18:40.696)

Yes, yes. And that was very, that was a really well put insight on the feminine touch because I couldn't agree more. And I will say that I am anything but quiet. I am that person who you're going to hear from probably outside a room. But and I have had, man, like I've had my fair share of mocking and even people who I

who really, it's always the most unhappy people that have been the ones to try and silence or turn my volume down. And I mean, I've learned how to kind of, you know, there's a time and a place, but to really be, you know, a certain type of eccentric. However, I do agree with that fullheartedly. And I will say that what that is something I've kind of hung on to.

My dad and I have a fantastic relationship. And so one of the things that he always taught me from a very, very young age was that, not mute yourself for anybody's pleasure or anybody's will. Because it's kind of...

nice to be the one sometimes to be outside of the box. I've noticed so many women that I know especially, you know, they are the second we step out into public, they become, you know, kind of they put their personalities on a shelf almost and I or in front of men and especially ones that they're dating. And it's very interesting how I personally do not or nor have I really ever played.

by that societal rule for women. just, don't believe in it. but yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (20:39.051)

I'm wondering about

I'm wondering if you've seen a couple of things that I've seen. Firstly, I believe men need to see the louder version of us because if the real you is naturally louder, that will appear at some point. Why not show them what they are getting into? I mean, be the most kind, patient and supportive version of yourself, but don't

Mute yourself necessarily. Not you can still within kindness be your truth, but meanwhile, I've seen very subtle, and I have to be careful what I say here. I've seen women being very subtle in judging and pathologizing a woman who speaks up and says, Hold on.

Things need to be different because they are not doing that. They are obedient and quiet and they expect other women to be like them. Have you seen that?

Julia Poet (21:48.482)

Yeah, I have. that word obedient. Yeah, that's a good one because I have and what I actually was a part of a friend group a few years back that I learned everything what not to be including this. I mean, it got to the point where I mean, like you're going.

Women in numbers is intimidating, right? And this is a time where I was in my early and mid-20s and to have this very inclusive, almost like cool girl group, I'd never had that before. So there was a point where I did let a few of these girls really gang up on me to mute my personality down. And it turned out that

a lot of it came from a point of jealousy to the like, so say we we, here's a good example. We all were going out to a night clubbing event. This is how you know I was much younger. And I remember saying something to a girl who I think she had lipstick on her teeth or just something like that, right? Like she wasn't a part of our group, but

trying to be a girl's girl and I also I didn't end up she needed help with something else I think getting a cab home regardless I I'm shouting from across the street to make sure she's okay like getting into the right cab like you know cleaning her cleaning her lipstick up all that good jazz and at one point one of the girls that I in this old group of mine confronts me about

inappropriately loud and invasive I'm being on somebody else. And I remember just looking around and also hearing and seeing other people look at her like, she just helped a girl out. What are you talking about? And that's where kindness also comes into play because I think that we need to, that's another thing we need to start implementing more in the upbringing of girlhood.

Julia Poet (24:12.538)

is inclusivity and kindness rather than this clicky, bitchy excuse my French, and baiting attitude, you know? Like I'm being silenced literally and physically. I ended up getting a text from that girl that I helped out later that evening and she said, I made it home safe and thank you for helping me. So I mean, I have plenty more examples. It's funny too, I've had men, I mean, it's more common for men to do it, but men, women,

It's interesting how they are the ones who will never speak up, but they have the audacity to tell me to pipe down. That's what I've noticed.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (24:52.724)

Interesting.

I'm really absorbing your story there because something came to me in this. You were being loud, and it suited your context, but not theirs, and their expectation for this social moment. However, I can share with you that I grew up developing a loud voice. I grew up in a large house where I'd

Call across to the other side of the house, that sort of thing. And it's sort of like how you called across to the other side of the street. Okay. But what I later saw, and I'm so keen to do training in this, is that when I became a speaker, and there's the context of a an in-person audience or something like this, the podcast.

Julia Poet (25:26.601)

Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (25:51.371)

Having a voice is a tool and suddenly it's okay. And it seems like society is telling us it's socially appropriate to have a voice in one context but not another. And I can observe that you would have been sharing all sorts of truths in your writing, but whether you can say all of that in person is probably another thing. Did you find that?

Julia Poet (26:05.993)

Yes!

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (26:19.775)

Some of this is very contextual.

Julia Poet (26:23.122)

Yes, yes, that is a really good point because I'll be so honest.

realized the gravity of what exactly I was writing about until I had the darn book in my hand. And I mean, because, you know, Google Docs, my journals, everything that's just that's me. And that's the element. But I actually didn't have that realization until recently when I said, my goodness.

I mean, this is a subject matter that takes bravery to, yes, write about, but to also physically speak on. so I am actually too an award-winning public speaker. I was like one of my favorite things. I haven't done anything any time, any recent events, however.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (27:21.419)

When were you slow down, slow down. When were you doing speaking?

Julia Poet (27:25.587)

I speaking, sorry about that. I did speaking, I'm looking at the, in 2015 was my last, so it's been a long time. But I did take a few tournaments when I was in college. And I also, I will combine the two subjects.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (27:34.496)

No.

Julia Poet (27:50.77)

I got a voice in speaking of difficult things, difficult things I've overcome in high school. I started to give presentations to minors at 16 and over on how to stay away from online predators for a good couple of years after I graduated from, this is my old high school we're talking about.

So I got really well versed, I would say, with that. But I haven't done that in so long that I noticed when I have recently performed reading from progression, I do stutter and I get nervous because I am rediscovering a voice as an author versus a public speaker with kind of a different trajectory.

I will get into that more. I need to get back to that part of my life.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (28:55.425)

Absolutely. We'll chat about that afterwards. Let's move forward to inspiring the listeners. We can inspire the person who is listening because the common thread we've seen in this conversation is about finding your voice and having letting your voice be a purpose during adversity.

Julia Poet (29:23.184)

I would say if you have a dream, hold on to it and let that fuel, let just let that be your fuel and let that be what takes away all of the doubt. Let that be the blinders into the world and let that be your comfort because I truly believe that when we hang on to our hope, our dream and it

It builds this power of strength and resilience and also emulates an energy that will bring people of like minds into that circle. I can tell you and whoever is listening to this, it works. Cast out all darkness and just wait and see what comes. Because I can say my life became so much brighter after I did that.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (30:22.529)

Cast out the darkness and see what happens. Look for it. Hold on to your dream. Hold on to your purpose. That is a powerful message.

Julia Poet (30:35.054)

Thank you.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (30:36.265)

That's good. Julia, thank you.

Julia Poet (30:39.341)

Yeah. I can't tell you how just blessed I know that I am. mean, have opportunities to work with you and with I have opportunities in the past of different podcasts. So I think I'll be wearing the smile all day just because I'm right now having a dream come true. yeah, I'm just so thrilled to see this all in the end.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:02.825)

Really?

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:10.449)

I'm delighted to hear that. It's so sweet that you are finding so much joy from the conversation. I appreciate it.

Julia Poet (31:19.34)

Did you have any more questions for me?

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:24.269)

I could ask all the questions in the world. Do you want to keep doing more questions?

Julia Poet (31:30.292)

Let's do it. Let's do it. I have some more time. I would say yeah, you go for it. You ask really good questions, by the way.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:32.283)

Okay.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:38.837)

Thank you. Okay. You mentioned your dad. How did your dad handle what happened years ago?

Julia Poet (31:49.781)

That is my mom. Yeah. You know, he, I have to say he handled it with grace. And I mean, don't get me wrong. We're still grieving. It's still early. It's gotten better. We're talking about his best friend of 35 years. They were together. I total, I mean, they were, they were,

kind of just the best married couple to see. I think he knew before anyone else did. I would say graceful strength because he was with her until the last breath. And I didn't get to see her in that state.

for the reason of my dad just didn't want me or my brother to see that, neither did my mom. But the way that he would, he went from seeing that to holding her hand, you know, every day before she did pass, to being a rock for my brother and I, and we all were leaning, my dad and I leaned on each other. And in a sense where,

I don't think it took me some months to realize like, wait a second, like he's really showing up for me, but this is somebody who he's, you know, no longer than his kids, obviously. And so I commemorate him every day for a million reasons, but one of them being the ability that my dad had the strength to grieve.

and also show up and take care of me and my brother when I mean there were some days where I couldn't get out of bed nor could I even find the energy to boil water for pasta for dinner. My first few months of grief immediately after losing her were really tough and luckily my dad and I do, we live very, very close together. So he's actually literally

Julia Poet (34:11.289)

in the house over from mine. So it was nice, you know, he would just pop in and there were times where he just knew I needed to be taking care of that day. And then I started to do that with him. So and that's my best friend. I know he's going to listen to this and I can't wait because he's very, very proud that and like has a lot of pride as a parent that I'm able to to talk about this. So, yeah.

Thank you for asking.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (34:42.431)

That is so sweet. You live near each other. Was that a deliberate decision?

Julia Poet (34:48.998)

Yes, it was. So my parents are on their property is like a, it was an old orchard, an old farm orchard once a part of a time. like, when I say the thirties or the forties, they had not my parents, but the previous owners had horses and pigs and a whole bunch of just gorgeous, you know, property. And so when my mother was

was, you know, kind of ailing faster in the last couple years. I had made the decision. said, OK, either I can I need to either move. I need my own space. And I would still I'm still planning on caregiving. But I was like, I need a little bit more space because this is getting more difficult and more challenging for me. So we had decided to put a tiny house on the property. So I'm I'm about 50 feet away from him.

and it's wonderful. My dad's health has had its own ups and downs over the last two years. So it's nice for me to be able to also walk in and be like, hey, you know, how are we doing today? Like blood pressure and you know, kind of, I don't care good for him, but it's always good to check in on your 73 year old dad. So, but he's a strong, strong man.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (36:12.819)

Right.

Julia Poet (36:16.843)

But yeah, I could talk about him all day too.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (36:20.757)

So sweet. And it seems like after the more extreme experience you had with your mom, you have so much understanding of what to ask about and what to expect when someone needs extra help, but even when they don't need more help, but just asking the right questions. It's great that you know what to do.

Julia Poet (36:22.358)

Yeah.

Julia Poet (36:46.979)

Trust me, it took years of practice. I still appreciate that. There are still times where obviously we all make mistakes in this life. However, I will say that another message just of positivity is no matter in this world if it's family, that is your finite team of support or if it's chosen family like friends.

It is probably, it's what makes my world just so rich with love to be able to have that type of support and the people around me that I do. My circle these days is smaller, but every single person in it from family to family friends, I have that love and that support from. So I would not have been able to do any of this or be myself if it weren't for them.

And I know that my mom watches every every moment of this and I see her every day and purple flowers That's that's kind of my what I believed in terry incarnation of me So I say I find myself saying that a lot always keep I mean always keep the people in your in your corner at the closest because They they're there for you all the time But yeah

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (38:09.045)

Do you

Do you find comfort in holding on to a belief that there is some form of a spirit that stays after someone goes?

Julia Poet (38:23.447)

do. I absolutely do. And I will say it took me took me some months to get there after passing. was I was really angry at the world. was really like anger was my first emotion of grief that came and also oddly enough, the one that had the most residual stay.

cause I will also say as a form of insight to anybody who can relate and is listening, there is no order. There is no order and there is no set flux of how those stages of grief are going to come to you, but they are. And so once I, I think once I able, once I was able to allow myself to let go of so much anger that wasn't

wasn't mine to burden. It allowed me to really lean in on exactly that, on just the people around me and so much more. Yeah, my world looked, my world and my personality looked a bit different, you know, some two years ago, which is, again, another reason why I'm so happy to be sitting here right now discussing this, yeah, with a smile on my face, because that

I mean, two years is a long time, but it's also not. So that's progress to me. that is very something. That's something I'm gonna celebrate today, absolutely.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (40:01.695)

Right, right. What was that feeling of anger? What did you feel angry about exactly?

Julia Poet (40:13.057)

angry at the world for taking away my mom. So I'm adopted. I so I have what's called an open adoption, which means from the time I could comprehend the world, I knew that mom and dad here are my mom and dad, but I came from, you know, out of the tummy of Kathy and Dan were the names of my late biological parents.

So yes, I have two mothers in the same place and that really that's what I was that's what I was the most mad about. yeah, I know that's a unique factoid right?

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (40:56.395)

Hold on, hold on. Laid parents. So your birth parents died?

Julia Poet (41:04.335)

Yes, when I was very young, very, very young, and I'm an open book about this as well. Yes, so my birth parents, they had complications of their own with serious drug addiction that overtook their lives. I do have a great relationship with one biological sister of mine. I actually just talked with her on the phone the other night.

And I'm even seeing her in October of this year. And that's a great, I'm really blessed to have a relationship with her. But yes, I did lose them. I was so young, biological parents. I want to say I was still in elementary school and their loss did not affect me in the way of my mother.

who I saw every day from birth to her passing. it did, going back to the anger, it made me just furious with the world. what, you ask a lot of, I ask myself a lot of irrational questions in the first year of grief. One of them being, what was it about me as a daughter that I didn't do good enough?

to have one or both or have a mother in this lifetime. I no longer ask myself that question because that is again a burden of pain that no one deserves to ask themselves or carry. But it is a fact of life and I've retrained this thinking into I have two guardian angels that really do protect me.

And I do believe that they are around me spiritually, absolutely. So, and I mean, it's a very unique fact about me. Not a lot of people know.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (43:11.981)

I believe that we found each other for a reason. There is so much in what you said that sunk into my core. I can tell you that now.

Julia Poet (43:21.788)

Those are happy tears, I promise. I cannot help but feel this very same way. It's something that I really had to learn how to be kinder to myself because I know there's nothing... I did everything that I could to make them so proud and so happy.

And one thing I always will say, because a question I usually get to follow up is, well, if there's one thing, if you wanted your biological mom to see, I kind of always stop that. And I said, damn, she's seen it all. And I mean, I know that there are signs. I know that she sees everything, because there are signs.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (44:10.785)

What's team?

Julia Poet (44:19.142)

So yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (44:22.977)

There are signs.

Julia Poet (44:24.502)

sorry, like signs, like heavenly signs. Here's an example. My college graduation, it was just myself and I had one other person with me. Unfortunately, my dad was unable to be at my ceremony due to a health complication. However, my ceremony was on May 16th, 2025.

My mother's passing was on January 16th. So 16 and 16. My mother's passing was a year prior in 2024, January. But one, that was sign number one, that we have the reoccurring number 16. And then sign number two that I knew she was there, you know, re-incarnated somehow was a few rows down, a fellow graduate had a cap

decoration that said this is your sign from heaven say hi and I looked at that and I said no way and like I got goosebumps and that's why I believe it's it's good to hang on to to spiritual positive beliefs

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (45:44.359)

It's it's crucial. It really is. You hold on to something, you hold on to the knowledge that some sort of essence of that person is still around. And you are so brave. Hearing more of your story, hearing more of the context, you keep surviving and thriving again and again.

Julia Poet (46:09.978)

Thank you. To quote my own book, progression is the only option. It's you to move forward. I really don't know any other way. And that's one thing in my overall, you know, my overall core message as an author and as a person, but

especially as an author, is that you just hang on. You just, yeah, you always keep hanging on because again, you will always be able to find a spark, see the light, however you want to poetically phrase it in your darkest time. And it starts with opening your eyes to it. So, yeah, I've always been keen to getting back up no matter what.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (47:09.705)

Absolutely keep getting back up. With all of that in mind, in a final five or ten minutes, what other lessons do people need to keep in mind, perhaps, in their grief and in their hope?

Julia Poet (47:45.697)

And in general, I also have to say that.

To if you have a yeah, if you have a dream, don't let go of it. And to be as kind and gracious as you can to yourself and to others in your grief. because for me, I know we talked specifically about parent grief, but I to listeners in general, I want to make it clear that grieving is is ending a relationship, it is losing a job, it it comes in so many forms.

And I think society does not acknowledge that. We barely acknowledge the the egregious trenches that it that are is is the beginning of grief in general. But to be kind to yourself, to be kind to those around you and handle it with as much grace. I will tell you that there were days that the only thing I got up to do is to go get my my Chinese takeout.

from the front door and go back to bed. But the next day I would get up and I would start again as my mother would have always wanted. So yeah. great question.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (48:59.861)

That's amazing. Julia, look, we need to wind up the recording, but I feel so inspired by what you've said and I'm so grateful. Thank you. Thank you for being honest.

Julia Poet (49:14.393)

Yes. And thank you, Melanie, for having me and working with me. I cannot wait to connect with you in the future. And if I'm ever coming to Sydney, I will definitely give you a ring.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (49:26.635)

Definitely.

Julia Poet (49:28.214)

Awesome. Well you take care.