Personal Trainer and Life Coach Alessandra Spadoni on Getting Fit for Yourself, Not for Everyone Else

Transcript: S7 Ep 105, Alessandra Spadoni

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:00)

Technology, right. Alessandra, is that how you pronounce it?

Alessandra Spadoni (00:08)

Sandra, with two S.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:10)

You said it better than I ever could. Welcome to the podcast.

Alessandra Spadoni (00:15)

Thank you very much. Thank you, Melanie. Thank you for having me today.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:20)

You have had quite a journey, and I want to explore your journey before we look into the solutions that everybody can get, but we'll get a sneak peek first. What exactly do you teach people in your coaching, and how does it transform their lives?

Alessandra Spadoni (00:42)

So I guide my clients to connect with themselves to then create the life that they want, they desire. And I, I use the approach Be-Do-Have model, which is, like, we have to embody ourselves first, to then, like, do the actions and then have what we would like to, to— we would desire. So it's like, by embodying, by being ourselves, like, be the energy that we want to attract, then we will be able to also automatically doing the action that they lead us to what we want.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (01:25)

Amazing. We can transform it by embodying. Now let's look at how you journeyed to understanding this, because there was a time when you felt differently about fitness and about yourself. Let's talk about that, how your mindset was early on.

Alessandra Spadoni (01:48)

Yeah, so in, like— I started my self-discovery journey in 2020, and it's because I felt completely lost. And in my personal experience was, like, related to a relationship, and I felt like— I found that I didn't have love to give myself, so I was chasing love externally.

And what I realised during also all this journey that I've, like, I've been through is that even my fitness at the beginning— like, I, I always love exercising, but if I feel like, if I see the, if I compare my fitness now rather than my fitness before, before I used to use the fitness as an external validator, like, to show people what I was worthy. Because inside, like, I didn't feel worthy myself. While now, like, it's for me. I love fitness. So that's why I exercise. I want to feel strong and fit. But before it was like more— I, I, I can see myself really, like, chasing, like, like, the fitness just to show people how strong I was, how fit I was. And yes, that was, like, my— that's my, like, what, what I, like, really discovered during this, this journey.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (03:26)

That's something everybody can learn from, because it sounds like you are getting fit for other people instead of for yourself.

Alessandra Spadoni (03:36)

Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (03:41)

What then inspired you? I know you discovered spirituality and mindset. What led you to understand that you need to be well for you?

Alessandra Spadoni (03:54)

Well, like, I— at the time I remember that I used to always be in the go and always try to achieve things, like, you know, like, everyone wants to achieve things, right? And I really wouldn't consider myself as someone who could be still. So that time where I really felt lost and I, I discovered that the importance of being still. And it, it's been, like, a, a journey. So it's not that one day I woke up, you know, I felt lost, I was like, okay, let's be still. It's like, it's been a process that it took time. It took, like, probably about three, four years to, you know, to really— I, I could see, like, behind, like, years before where I was at, and after, like, a three or four years I s— I really saw the difference. But it was, like, a small step that I did daily without even really noticing much when I was doing it. So I started to listen to podcasts, podcasts that they were, like, about spirituality, self-love, and then I started to meditate.

And for me it was really, it was really hard. It was really hard because I couldn't— like, my mind was, like, all over the place. And, and so I, I found that at the, at the time, like, the best meditation for me was, like, the one guided, where, you know, I could listen to someone's voice. And, and then also I started to connect more with the nature and, like, step by step, I started to really understand also myself more deeply, because it's when we start to still, to become still, that we have all the insights and we start to also ask ourselves questions that maybe we were afraid to ask ourselves before.

You know, we often, like, bombard ourselves with all the external news and everything because sometimes— like, that was my experience. I was scared to be myself with my own thoughts. You know, I was afraid of discovering who, who was really. And I thought that maybe the part of me, my authentic self, wouldn't belong to others. Maybe I was, I was bored, or, you know, I was boring— sorry, I was boring— or, you know, I, I thought that it wasn't enough. So that's why I was, like, really try be always in a rush and, you know, doing all the worst things without s— sitting down. And yeah, like, the power of, like, become still, and also the, the balance, because of course you need movement, you need, like, everything in balance, but also, you know, we need, like, a time where we just, like, disconnect and we reconnect with ourselves.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (07:19)

Right, we need balance. Has that changed how you train people and how you approach fitness routines as well? Have you changed the goals and how fitness practices are done along with the coaching?

Alessandra Spadoni (07:38)

Yeah, I saw some myself, like, changing how I train people and really, like, connecting with them more deeply. So if someone comes to me and asks me and, like, wanted to, you know, get fit or, you know, lose weight, rather than assuming what it means, because maybe I've been there or, you know, I'm, like, you know, being fit, I'll put them straight into hardcore, I ask them a little bit more what it means to them. Because everyone is different. For someone can be, be fit can be just, you know, being the energy to wake up every day and to do, like, their job. For some other, maybe mums, they is just to, you know, carry their children and, you know, and that's fit enough. And for someone else, maybe it's, like, really as a goal, like a, a race, and so as to become fit for that particular race. So I really found myself at the beginning, I was, like, more putting, like, my own, what I was thinking about being fit, be strong, into them. And while through this journey also, like, I started to listen to what the clients really want, which is, it's, it's important. Otherwise it's my training, it's not their training.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (09:06)

Exactly. It sounds like our goals for our everyday routines, including our fitness and other things we do in the day, it needs to align with what we want for life instead of what the world tells us. Do you think so?

Alessandra Spadoni (09:22)

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One hundred per cent. Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (09:27)

And I'm wondering, what did the opposite look like? You talked about the mindset and how you were doing things for other people, but what was the result? Were you training to the extreme? Was— were you pushing your body to an extreme? And how do you actually look after yourself now? How, how does that balance manifest?

Alessandra Spadoni (10:01)

So I found myself that there were different times of my life. So at the beginning, I remembered that I wanted to lose weight. So I just wanted to become skinny. And so also I didn't really eat properly. I was under-fuel myself. I remember when I was in Italy, I used to do a lot of classes back to back to Virgin Active. And at the time I used to say— like, I used to tell myself and to others that it because I, I enjoy. And a part of that was true, but also because I was kind of— now that I can see myself outside, I, I was kind of pushing— punishing my body. Because I just wanted to, you know, feel good, because I didn't love myself or, you know, I didn't accept myself. And then I switched to the other side, where I just wanted to become strong. So I was looking— I remember that there was this influencer, and, and her body was amazing. She was, like, all sculpted, and, and I was like, I would love to look like her. And so I started to train, like, doing weights. I used to do five, six days weights, which I enjoyed, but also I didn't really allow my body to recover.

Now I train myself— I, I push hard, because I know that I still push hard, but I, I have my recovery, which is non-negotiable. So I know, I, I really— I'm in tune with my body. So I know that every week or every couple of weeks I have to book the massage, infrared sauna. I do have, like, a completely day off. I have one day which is my training is not intense. It's, like, a more zone two training, which basically just move your body. As, like, a walk, can be, like, a bicycle, or, you know— but the difference is that despite I push my body, I implement a weekly increase, like a progression overload, which allows my body to adapt and also to not get injured, and allows also the, the recovery part, like the massage, the infrared sauna, also dip in the ocean, cold shower in the morning. It, everything is, so, sums up to avoid injuries and to fit, to stay strong, and also mobility. I do a lot of mobility as well. Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (12:43)

That's amazing. It's a completely different routine now. Let's look beyond fitness, because you've been doing coaching. What sorts of goals do you look at beyond physical health in the coaching space?

Alessandra Spadoni (13:01)

So for me it's more mind, body and spiritual connection. So with, with the coaching it's more life and spiritual, and in a way that— so I started with life coaching, and then while I was doing the life coaching certification I was into my spiritual journey, and, like, that's why then I shift— life, but yes, life, but, you know, everything in life that we want to achieve definitely starts from inside. That's why the spiritual side. It's more like connecting really with our values, our, like, who we really are, to then, you know, unblock that part of the area that we want. Because even at work, you know, if someone comes to me and they have, like, a— they want, like, a— they want to focus more on the career side, still they have to look within themselves. Because sometimes we do things, jobs, just for the money, and it, they don't fulfil us. And of course, maybe there aren't, like, all the— you know, maybe you have, like, a job that is not really satisfying and you have, like, a purpose in another side. But I'm sure 100% that if we connect with ourselves, also we feel— everyone finds the job that fulfils that in a way, in, in a way. Yeah, so that's my, like, coaching. It's more re— is really connecting with ourselves, to what we values, and also setting boundaries that enable us to, you know, be ourselves.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (14:50)

That's amazing. This is about having the confidence to do the work that aligns with who we are, our values and what feels right within. Exactly. I'm curious how— so you've been running your own business for a while, and this is something everybody can learn from. What can we learn about how to have the confidence and the ability to run a business like how you do?

Alessandra Spadoni (15:22)

Well, the confidence starts doing things. So you— we, we were on board, like, everything, you know, starts with small habits. And I think the best, the, like, the most important thing is ask yourself, what can I do right now, realistically, that helps me to do once, to move one step forward? Because, you know, like, Rome wasn't a built— wasn't built in one day. It took a long time, right? So same with the, our life, our career, or, you know, if you want to build a business, you take step by step. And, you know, of course it's important to understand, like, visual— like, visualise your, like, main goal, like, what would you like to, and then break down into smaller steps.

Now, in my personal experience, I was— I, I, I might say that I started during COVID. So it was— I actually was forced to kind of— it kind of push myself out of my comfort zone. So I started to do, like, Zoom sessions, and then when, once we started, we could do training outdoor, I started to, to do one-on-one, and then that's where I've discovered that I are really— I'm more into one-on-one or couple rather than big groups. And since then, because one of my values is freedom, like, I understand that probably it was, like, that having my own, my own business was, like, the, the, like, what I was meant to, to do. Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (17:21)

You saw that it's what you're meant to do. This is going to be relatable. Have you seen that some people feel more comfortable and more aligned working for themselves instead of other people?

Alessandra Spadoni (17:37)

Yeah, and I think also it depends— it, it comes all to your values. Because, you know, there are people that they have nine-to-five jobs and they are happy with that. It's, it, it all comes to what you value. And as long as you do what you do and you are, like— it brings you joy, that's all good. But if you start feeling that something is not really there, it means it's not random. It means that you have to go a little bit deeper and understand what it is of, for example, the job that is not— it doesn't, doesn't click, I would say. It can be the environment. Maybe you like the job, maybe you like the nine to five, but the environment— you don't like, like, the environment, it's not aligned with who you truly are. It can be that then you discover that a nine-to-five job is not for you. And so you change, you keep the same, like, industry, but you change, like, you become business owner, or you change, like, part-time, or it— yeah, it all comes to what you value, what are your values.

That's why it's so important about, with everything— and values, they change. So that's why every— after a few years we, we need to, you know, sit down again with ourselves, because, you know, the— our values change depending on our stage of life, and, and also the same value. For example, one of my values, freedom. When I was, like, twenty years, freedom for me was a— it was still a value, but it was completely different than what it looks freedom for me now. So it's so important during our life to sit down with ourselves and to understand what, like, what are our values and what they look like in, in our life.

And, and also that's important to set boundaries, as I mentioned before, because if we do things that they— we often say yes. And the things that we say yes, they don't align with what we value, then it's when, you know, we start to get resentment. And it's when then, you know, maybe we explode. Maybe we keep one thing on the top of the other one and then we explode. And that's because we basically, we didn't listen to ourselves and we didn't really go deep enough to say, no, this is not for me. And that's okay. There is no right or wrong. It's so important. Like, I also, what I, what I've learned in this journey, there is no judgement. So there is no right or wrong. It's just neutral. And it's so important to, like, to understand that, you know, it's— we, we often label things. But then when, when we label things it means that there is a judgement. And when judgement, then it's where we, we work, we, like, we live through fear rather than love. So—

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (21:01)

He froze up there. You're back.

Alessandra Spadoni (21:18)

Okay. I don't know what happened.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (21:20)

It's such a weird day for a technology, I think.

Alessandra Spadoni (21:25)

That's okay, you know, it happens. But yeah, so, yeah, there is always, there is often judgement, and we often judge things, and that's where also it tears everything, the judgement. And so there is no right or wrong, it's just what it is.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (21:46)

Absolutely. We judge ourselves as well, right?

Alessandra Spadoni (21:50)

Yes, yes, yes, one hundred per cent, yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (21:54)

That's— I wonder if that's one of the greatest things that we need to overcome, because it's safe to say perhaps we all judge ourselves, and some will say that you are your worst critic.

Alessandra Spadoni (22:12)

Yeah. Yeah, one hundred— and this is also something that I, I, like, I emphasised in my Love Yourself First workshop, where, like, I really emphasised the importance— like, when we judge ourselves it means that we don't love ourselves. And, you know, it's— the thing is that when we judge ourselves, then how we pretend that other doesn't judge— doesn't— don't judge us, you know? And, like, when, once also we s— like, when we do, when we start not judging ourselves, also we start to look at others in a other ways. And other, the other people, they also look us in a different way, because we give more love and compassion to ourselves.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson

Interesting. So the energy—

Alessandra Spadoni

Yeah, and the energy that we show is a completely different. Because the one we judge is like— if we visualise someone, like, for example, me, that I judge myself, if I judge myself, I'm, like, with this face, right? If I walk and I'm with this face, like, look at the energy that I put out. While, you know, if you talk to yourself and, like, self-talk also, what is important— it's so important, self-talk, how we talk to ourselves. Most of the time we are, like, we say to ourselves, I'm so dumb, I'm so stupid. But everything that we say, then our minds, our brain records, and it's always there in the back of our mind. So yes, that's, like, a lesson, big lesson learned. Yes, don't judge myself and accept myself and love myself. It's a big, big, big lesson.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (24:00)

Do you see that the way we treat ourselves influences how we treat other people?

Alessandra Spadoni (24:08)

Yes, but also how we allow other, other people to treat us. Because we don't— if we don't have self-respect, we basically, automatically, we kind of put ourselves, like, a label: you can disre— disrespect me, you know, because I don't respect myself. So why others have to respect me, right? So the, the first things, we have to respect ourselves. And then say no, you know? Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (24:42)

Do you find that we set the standard when we treat ourselves a particular way, then that is the example that other people see and they will match that?

Alessandra Spadoni (24:54)

Yes, yes, as, as well. Yeah. Because, like, we— everything, like, as I mentioned also before, we are energy, everything is energy. You know, if, even, for example, in a family, if the parents set the example that, you know, they judge and they don't respect themselves, how the kids grow up in the same way, because they, they are, like, you know, the people that they see more often. And say with our friends, with our beloved, with everyone, you know, we also with our workmates. So, like, the environment— like, that's why we have to become the person we want to be with, or, you know, like, the energy— like, we, we have to become the person that we want to be. And then, like, you— we will see automatically then, then the environment around us will change for the better. Because once we start to do the work in ourselves, which is, which is the mo— the hardest part. You know, you really have to— nothing, no one can do the work for you. If, if we are not, if you're not willing to do the work and no one else will do for us. But once we start to do the work for ourselves, then everything will change automatically.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (26:14)

We have to do the work.

Alessandra Spadoni (26:17)

Yeah, we have to do the work. Like—

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (26:19)

That's a powerful—

Alessandra Spadoni (26:20)

—everything, you know. Like, we have to work, but also we have to work with ourselves. So we have to make the time, or— I know, I mean work, work to get money, you know, to go to work. But also we have to work for our s— like, to, to change ourselves for the best.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (26:45)

That's a great way to put it. You need to work for yourself.

Alessandra Spadoni (26:52)

Yeah. Yeah. That's— and, and it's not easy, because it really, really— you know, you have to give, like, we have to give ourselves a pat to our back when we start to sit down and, like, you know, see the, the part of us that we don't like, and we have to change those parts. And sometimes, you know, maybe we do the work and sometimes later on something has comes and it triggers again and those part comes up again. And that's where it's more challenging, I found, because sometimes you, you think, okay, you know, I've done the work, but now it looks that I'm back. And it's where you have to be aware that one single episode doesn't change who you are.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (27:47)

Right. We need to essentially be like a boss for ourselves. And this is different than being an entrepreneur for the self-development.

Alessandra Spadoni (27:59)

Yes. Yeah, because no one can do for you. But it's like, actually it's like our own, like, you know, when you, when you have your own company, your own sole tr— you're a sole trader, you have to be disciplined, you know, but otherwise that nothing grow, nothing changes, right? But stay the same with yourself. So if you want to see a change, you, you have to do the steps. And some people, like— we often think that they have to be big things, but actually it's not, because, you know, you can carve five minutes daily just to read a book that you, you know that is good for you, you know, that, like, it's, it's helpful for what you are going through or anything. It can be just, like, a walk in the nature. Anything that, you know, it's realistic to you, and it doesn't have to be a big thing, but one thing, one step at a time.

One day, if you do, if we do daily just a little bit, then in a month you already see, like, a good change. In one year, in five years, in ten years, you look back and you're like, wow, I'm a completely different person. And I didn't really, like, I didn't really struggle to do it, because, you know, I've just implemented small things. It's like, it's like, for example, with training as well. You know, you don't go straight into it. You, you build up slowly.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (29:31)

You build up slowly. That is crucial, because we all want instant gratification, right?

Alessandra Spadoni (29:37)

Yeah. Yeah. That's something that I, like, since I started my own business with the fitness, I, I always— I, I often say, like, I'm not one of those trainers where, you know, you have the five weeks transformation, that's it. No, it's just, it's like continuously work. You know, you start where you are at and slowly, slowly you build up. And then your body adjusts, adapt, and then you challenge your body again. But in a way where, you know— because if you start straight away, then, and then, like, you see that it's too hard or then you give up. While if you start, if you find, like, a way where there is a increment, a small increment weekly, daily, weekly, then you see that it can be consistent and be disciplined. And as I mentioned before, after a few years you look back and you are a completely different person.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (30:42)

Absolutely. It sounds like the changes will be gradual, and, and you might not see the change instantly because it's bit by bit, but you do get there.

Alessandra Spadoni (30:56)

Yes, yeah, one hundred— yes, and as you mentioned before, like, we often want, like, a straight away to see results. Well, it's not like that. It's like, life is a journey. Like, everything takes time. Great things take time, take time.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:14)

Absolutely. That is the top lesson that we can take away, because in our final five minutes we can recap what we have learned. We know that the small steps will lead us to our destination. And we have also learned to love ourselves. We know we need to love ourselves by setting goals based on we need and not just to appear a certain way for everybody else. And also we need to align with our values, show the world how to treat ourselves.

Looking at those small steps, the listener will be wondering, okay, where do I begin? There could be any sort of goal. It could be work. Maybe the listener really wants to do different work. And there could be a health issue. I'm even doing this conversation knowing I want to get back into a routine with fitness or a physical activity of any sort. There were lots of life changes and I need a routine again. Whatever it is. Or maybe someone needs to eat more fruit and vegetables in the day. Whatever it might be. How can someone get started? Do they need to journal their steps? Do they need to write a plan? Do we just need to dive in and do anything for the first step? Ways.

Alessandra Spadoni (32:41)

Everyone has different— everyone has different ways, but the more we think of it, the more we procrastinate. So when you know it, just do— like, you, you, you already know what steps. Sometimes we just hold ourselves back, but you know deep inside what are the steps. So actually, what you can do, what we can do, we can do, like, if you know, if you start to see yourself procrastinate, do one, two, three, and, and you go and you, you do the action what that you need to do. And, like, it's just a small action. It doesn't have to be, like, a big, a big thing. Something that you, I can do straight away and without saying I will do it tomorrow. Something that we can do today. What is something that I can do today, realistically, that is, it's, like, easy to access?

That's important. At the beginning, when we struggle to get started, we have to find something easy that it's, like, it's easy for us to do it. And it's quick, like, it's, it doesn't require too much time. Because if, if someone comes and they say, you know, if you want to have, like, a— if you want to start with your fitness routine, you have to start with one hour of workout, then we are like, bye-bye, I'm not coming. So you have to do something, something, like, really slow, easy, that gets you started, and realistic to you, because everyone, everyone is different. So everyone has the answer within our— we, we always have the answer within ourselves. So just asking ourselves, what is it that I can do today, realistically, that it's easy and it brings me to where, like, I would like to, to go?

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (34:33)

Ask yourself where you need to go and what you can do, and then get out of your head and do the thing.

Alessandra Spadoni (34:43)

Yes, yeah, that's important. Do the thing. Because no, no— nothing will change if we don't actually do the thing.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (34:51)

Yes, definitely. Thank you so much for guiding us through. Thank you.

Alessandra Spadoni (34:59)

Thank you very much, Melanie, for having me. Thank you very much.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (35:03)

Any time.

Alessandra Spadoni (35:06)

Have a good day.