Clare Taber on personal experiences of prioritising self-care and spiritual purpose when supporting others

Transcript

Clare Taber (00:00)

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:02)

Hello Claire Taber, thank you so much for being on the podcast.

Clare Taber (00:07)

Thank you for having me.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:10)

We were just talking before we got started about how you are ex-military and how you journeyed into that, and your family was in the military. Would you like to share more about that experience?

Clare Taber (00:25)

Sure, I joined the military when I was 19. I became, it was called a combat medic. And so I really wanted to help people. At the time, I thought about joining either the Peace Corps or ⁓ the military, but ⁓ you needed a degree to join the Peace Corps. So I was kind of midway through college. So I decided to join the army and became a medic, and I was in for six years, met some of the best people that I've ever met ⁓ and it was, bless you, it was ⁓ definitely ⁓ a challenging and exciting experience. ⁓ I actually went to basic training twice because they gave me the wrong prescription for my glasses.

And so about week nine out of 10, we're all out in the field with camouflage on our face. And they pulled me over, and they said, We don't know what to do with you. You can't graduate because you can't qualify with the weapon. And I kept hitting 19. And at the time, you needed at least 24 out of 40.

And I was like, well, I can't see the 300-meter targets. So they were like, well, you can either go home or you can do it again. And so I was like, well, my father was in and I'm not going home a failure. So I was like, I'm going to do it again. And they thought I was crazy. And ⁓ so basically I went back to week two.

and kind of did everything, all the ⁓ training exercises, the road marches, all the physical things again. The only thing I didn't have to do again was the gas chamber. So I was very thankful for that.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (02:38)

You got through the training and you got into the work that you wanted. You were telling me before about how the previous generation had been in the military in your family. And so it was a big decision for you to do that because you had a bit more freedom to choose than your father did. I'm really keen for you to talk about that because I think some people in the audience will relate to.

deciding whether they want to do something that their family has done in whatever profession it might be. And also choosing a job that's challenging when people are wondering why are you picking this out of all the things you could be doing in life?

Clare Taber (03:24)

No, absolutely. ⁓ Well, I will say that I am definitely a daddy's girl. ⁓ I always wanted to make my dad proud as well as my mom, but definitely I was always kind of following around my father and I knew he was in the army and he had actually joined the Navy after he was drafted in the army in the Korean War.

So I, ⁓ you know, when I was in college and I was having trouble paying for it myself, they had had us take the test in high school. It's called the ASVAB ⁓ Arm Services Vocational Aptitude Battery. And apparently I did well. So they sent me a letter, and I kind of had it kicking around for about six months. And ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (04:13)

You froze up there. Claire, I'm just going to grab a tissue for a second.

Clare Taber (04:22)

Yeah, just decided to ⁓ take the leap of faith. When you're 19, you can definitely do a lot of things and you have a lot less fears. ⁓ So yeah, I just decided to join about halfway through my sophomore year.

It was actually ⁓ a wonderful experience because the second time I went to basic training, I actually was in basic training with my brother. ⁓ So people ask, how was it? And I was like, well, it was just like high school. was, you know, there he was in, yeah. So there he was in the chow hall and things like that. So it was. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (05:00)

It was like high school.

Clare Taber (05:08)

a male and female basic training. You know, thankfully I had his support and, ⁓ you know, it was really great and I did get new glasses. So I was able to, you know, pass the, you know, rifle marksmanship and, and then, you know, went on and finished my six years. But yeah.

some fabulous people and met my future husband. So definitely grateful.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (05:47)

You met your husband in work. You were both working in the same place. What's that like? And do you have any, any tips to share having met your person at work?

Clare Taber (06:03)

So it's interesting because when I, he was in a different company, but he was a medic attached to a military police unit. And so at the time I thought he was kind of annoying. I was like, who's this guy that's following us around? you know, and so we actually had to take a trip. We were in Virginia at the time to bring someone to the hospital because we were both medics.

And ⁓ I was in the back of the ambulance on the way, and ⁓ the person was kind of chatty, and I was like, all right, on the way back, you're sleeping, and I'm gonna sit up front. And the roads were dark and everything. So I kind of was chatting with him and trying to keep him awake and alert and things like that. So.

So yeah, I think that's kind of how things went, and we were more or less inseparable. ⁓ And I think we were married three years later. But ⁓ yeah, I I definitely don't recommend it. People say it just happens. And you have to have a lot of respect for the person, and obviously work boundaries.

⁓ are a thing. When you're at work, it's work. But it's also good to have someone that you can bounce off ideas and you can... Someone who can relate to some of your challenges and things like that. And then of course, when my son said he wanted to join, both of us look at ourselves and we're like,

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (07:59)

Why did

you have that reaction?

Clare Taber (08:02)

⁓ Well, know, it's obviously it sets you up for success in your life. You know, it you know, I went back to school when I was 40 and was able to use my money from the military. ⁓ But, you know, it is a different lifestyle. And, ⁓ you know, it's it's definitely a big decision. ⁓

But he was an army guy for at least five Halloweens. So I think it was kind of destined. And it's kind of a part of you. when you're with military people, you just kind of have this unspoken bond. So we joke around because we're all hard of hearing. So you can tell military people because we're always yelling.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (08:57)

Is that... Is that because you've been around a lot of noisy equipment in the role?

Clare Taber (08:57)

Not angry, but yeah.

Yes, yeah, absolutely.

And thankfully, now I think the, you know, the hearing protection is much better. ⁓ But, you know, at the time, they just had those little yellow squishy things that, you know, were not wonderful. I, this past summer, I went out shooting with a friend and it was kind of fun just to do it, you know, target practice and things like that. So. ⁓

But yeah, it was, I feel like it was a long time ago, but you know, it's something that never leaves you.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (09:42)

I think that the slightly universal or translatable thing in your story is that your father did that work and you did, and your son did that work and your husband. And I can relate to that a little bit, just because I did some work, so to speak, that my grandparents did. And I think that it's a very interesting decision just relating to any sort of

creativity or work or anything like that when your family did it. So it was really interesting to see that you did have that hesitation when your son was getting into it. And as I may as well just ask, did you originally hope that your son would do something completely different?

Clare Taber (10:28)

⁓ Well, he is interesting. He's kind of an old soul. ⁓ You know, when he was out playing with kids, always thought he was the coach. And my kids were five years apart. So basically, he kind of grew up almost like an only child because his brother was already, you know, in school.

And so he was around a lot of adults. I didn't work full-time for quite a bit until so, and he had quite the vocabulary. So, ⁓ between myself, my mother, ⁓ his other grandmother, ⁓ he spoke like an adult. So, as far as relating to other children and things like that. ⁓

So yeah, he was very inquisitive. ⁓ You know, I was kind of a precocious child myself, so always asking questions. So he was really funny. You know, thankfully, they're Siri now, so you can ask Siri a thousand questions. So he'd be in the backseat of the car asking Siri all these ridiculous questions about like the solar system and you know, what mountain is the highest, you know.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (11:51)

Everything.

Clare Taber (11:51)

So,

Yeah, so he, yeah, was just, you know, so I knew he was going to do something different, and he's the type of person that when he puts his mind to something, he is all in. So that's what he, you know, decided. And he said eventually he wants to become a police officer, like a canine officer. He has, you know, a passion for animals. So.

So yeah, we'll see where that goes.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (12:23)

It's so sweet. I wanted to move along to two things at the same time, because I saw that you worked in legal administration a lot, but now you've been writing about spirituality. I'm curious about your journey between these three things. You went from military to legal admin, which kind of makes sense into the spirituality. And this seems to be quite recent. What happened?

Clare Taber (12:51)

Okay, so let's see. So I guess I should preface this that, you know, I grew up in an Irish Catholic family. ⁓ You know, we had religious education, ⁓ but ⁓ either further, my mother was actually a nun for at least 15 years before she got married. ⁓ So I grew up with, you know, the

structured religious environment, ⁓ did all religious classes and things like that. And you kind of take it all in, and sometimes when you're a high schooler, you kind of start rebelling and things like that. So as far as like going to church on Sundays and things like that, I didn't necessarily continue that, but I've always kind of felt like a spiritual like.

presence, you know, in my life, I always feel like there's a reason why things happen. ⁓ You know, I've definitely gone through quite a few obstacles in my life. And, you know, sometimes when you're in the middle of it, you don't see, you know, why is this happening? What is the purpose of this? What's that? boy, how much time do you have?

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (14:05)

happened.

What happened?

I normally aim for

about an hour; you got time.

Clare Taber (14:16)

Okay, so let's see, I lost a baby before I had my oldest, ⁓ I was five months pregnant and ⁓ it was interesting because I wasn't married and I had to tell my Irish Catholic ⁓ parents that I was pregnant and was not married. So I think my father did about 20 laps around the house.

And my mom, course, was like, you know, because I was engaged, she's like, well, you got to move up the wedding. And I was like, no, I'm just going to have a baby at the wedding. so it took them a while to kind of wrap their brain around it. And, know, and then unfortunately, I was 20 weeks along and just my, you know, the baby wait or whatever, you know, so.

You know, went through, you know, grieving process with my husband, know, my fiancé at the time. And, you know, and then, you know, my marriage kind of like dissolved, you know, we were married for 18 years. ⁓ And, you know, it was it was definitely not ⁓ an easy split. I will say that. So.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (15:42)

So that's the husband

that you met in work.

Clare Taber (15:45)

Correct, yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (15:47)

Yeah, when did you

break up? Was that recently? Just wondering.

Clare Taber (15:51)

well,

Now it's been 10 years, so it's interesting, ⁓ cause we're actually really good friends now. So I think we just decided like we're much better off not being married. ⁓ yeah, it got to the point where my older son was like, can you guys please get divorced? ⁓ Yeah. Excuse me.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (15:58)

Cheers.

So sometimes it is better for the children if

you get what you need.

Clare Taber (16:19)

Right. You know, I think we, you know, we grew and then we changed and, you know, I hate saying it, kind of got what we needed out of the relationship. ⁓ and, you know, it took some time to get to the point where we're at, you know, where we could be friends. Kind of COVID brought our family together because my son had come, you know, back.

school he brought his girlfriend and then my younger son decided he was gonna stay with dad just for space reasons so every Sunday we would have you know barbecues or brunch and things like that so ⁓ and then ⁓ you know it was interesting you know it got to the point where he would tell me his relationship stories and you know when he broke up with a girlfriend and you know I was consoling him and and ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (17:17)

Look at best friends.

Clare Taber (17:17)

yeah,

yeah, yeah, so yeah, I brought like her, ⁓ you know, a Christmas present and things like that. So yeah, so you kind of like let a lot of the, you know, the baggage go and ⁓ so, so yeah, kind of, you know, full circle with that and, you know, some of the other things that have occurred in my life. ⁓

You just kind of look back at them and you're like, ⁓ OK. That's why that happened. I was in a pretty bad car accident. I went back to school at 40. And ⁓ on my way to school, I was in a car accident. And I was actually studying to be a paralegal. And ⁓ my professor was wonderful because I was so mad that I was late for school.

totaled away my car and got a ride to school and my professor pulled up on the screen and was like, these are all the things you need to do. You need to hire a lawyer. need to make sure your hospital bills get to this and this so you can make sure you're taken care of. ⁓ So I did, I hired a lawyer, a nice older gentleman and he was when I was ⁓

meeting with him, I had my legal notepad with all my notes in it. And he was kind of having trouble writing. And I said, well, you know, if I'm going to school to be a paralegal, if you ever need help. And he's like, ⁓ you know, I'm all set, but thank you. And then a couple of weeks later, we were dropping off pictures of the scene where the accident was. And he had asked.

You know, my husband at the time, he said, is your wife still looking for work? And he's like, yeah. And so I actually wound up working at that law firm for years. So, know, you never know why things happen. You know, and of course, at the time, you know, I was sad about my car and, you know, had to go to physical therapy and everything. But they were he was such a wonderful gentleman. And, you know, the family was wonderful. He actually helped me get.

my next job, which I worked at a big law firm in Boston. I worked there for six years. Things happened for a reason. As far as working at the law firm, I blame that on my mother. She loved crime shows.

I think I've seen every Law and Order episode. You know, can't wait for them to start again. And Murder, She Wrote, ⁓ like Perry Mason, all those shows.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (20:17)

Those are

awesome. But the thing I love about this story is that you had a personal crisis, the accident, and then you used that as an opportunity because you didn't have to necessarily mention to that lawyer that, by the way, you are in school to eventually work in the legal profession. And you used a crisis as an opportunity there.

Clare Taber (20:45)

Yeah, so that's kind of, you know, kind of how I try to live my life now. As I said, you can't really see when you're in the middle of things, you know, how or why things happen. And, you know, of course, some things can be devastating. But sometimes when you look back, you know, six months, a year, sometimes even years later, you're like, wow, you know, had I not gone through that, I never would have.

You know, met those people, I never would have been in that situation. And, ⁓ you know, I joke around that, you know, if you can't pimp yourself out, who can you pimp out? So I'm all about selling yourself. ⁓ know, so I'm cheap. You can edit that. That's why I'm sorry. I just mean, as far as selling yourself like a few years.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (21:29)

to edit that line if you don't mind. I mean, I understand what you say.

We need to, what

you're saying is we need to promote ourselves in this day and age because if you don't promote yourself, then who will?

Clare Taber (21:45)

Yes. Yes.

Right. So I, you know, I'm always, you know, chatting with people I meet on the street and you just never know who you're going to meet. And I love to travel. So and I feel like when you travel, you like the world just seems so small and, know, you make connections and things like that. So, you know, I feel like kind of like my life purpose now is ⁓

you know, hopefully the kind of help people with my stories, you know, hopefully bring people together, maybe help people find what their purpose and, you know, kind of overcome obstacles and things like that. So, so, yeah, and, you know, so, yeah, you know, some people on networking, I'm just, you know, chatty, we went to go see an aunt in Ireland and travelled and ⁓

where she lives in County Cork, and she said that when we went to the Blarney Castle, she said, You don't need to kiss the Blarney Stone. She said, you already have the gift of gab. yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (23:05)

That has happened with some of the podcast guests. They're saying that there's an addiction to talking or they're being extra chatty. They think that podcasting really, really helps those of us who love to talk. And so I can tell that you've sparked conversations with people, and that has led you in a good direction. So I saw that you wrote a book. Let's skip straight to.

Clare Taber (23:13)

Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (23:33)

How did you end up writing a book after all of this?

Clare Taber (23:37)

Okay, so, you know, I've always been one to kind of, ⁓ you know, have all these ideas in my head. Some people call it ADD, you know, I constantly have things going. So how I've decided to kind of manage my thoughts and everything, I love to do lists and things like that. So I kind of keep in my note section in my phone. So

And sometimes it's just how I process things. And I believe that kind of journaling can help you process things when you look back and you kind of laugh at yourself when you're in the middle of maybe a relationship crisis or things like that. And you're like, my world is over. And then you're like, oh, wow, OK. Maybe it wasn't the end of the world.

And so yeah, I was always kind of keeping notes and, you know, talking to coworkers or whatever. My friends, they're always like, you should write a book. You should just, you know, all your little crazy stories and things like that. And so, you know, I recently moved out here to California and decided, you know, maybe I should

, you know, do things like that I want to do, like my passion. You know, my youngest son just joined the army, you know, graduated high school. And so I decided to, you know, move out here near my older son. And ⁓ and I was like, I'm going to do it. I'm going to write that book. So, you know, I did find, you know, a ghost writing team because I said I always have these.

ideas going, but I had an outline and you know, so they kind of like helped me get everything, you know, pen to paper, and you know, there was a lot of like back and forth and things like that. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (25:47)

How did you find the Ghost Writing Team?

Clare Taber (25:50)

So it's an interesting story. So I did Google it and I found them, I will not mention their name because ⁓ we're actually in like a little bit of a dispute because they were supposed to be doing marketing for my book and they kind of have not. ⁓ But I'm choosing to turn that into an opportunity for me to market myself.

and connecting with people online and things like that. ⁓ So what I have to say to someone if they are interested is just do a ton of research and talk to people about it. Because there are a lot of companies that maybe aren't quite reputable. And even the reviews online are something that might not be real.

So, but the good thing is we did get the book. I finished the book and you know, I'm pretty happy with it. I'll show it to you. So, ⁓ so yeah, here it is. So, success through spirituality. ⁓ So I wanted something to kind of be like a workbook. So there's actually at the end of each chapter, I kind of like pose questions to people, ⁓ you know, depending on

what I wrote about, you know, like, is there a situation where, you know, you didn't see what the outcome was going to be that maybe created an opportunity. So, ⁓ you know, there's lines where people can, you know, jot down their thoughts and then, you know, I decided to do little, you know, affirmation colouring pages.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (27:45)

Just be

mindful.

Clare Taber (27:47)

Right. ⁓ Basically, I was like, just don't want to like trauma dump on people. Maybe give them a little break on that. You know, some of my stories are, you know, funny and things like that. ⁓ But, you know, some of the stuff is, you know, you know, it's a little heavy and, ⁓ you know, I kind of chose to be, you know, raw and open and.

I tend to be a positive person. As I said, I try to see why things happen. So kind of like that's what brings me to my connection to spirituality. And I feel like as I've grown up, as I've had children, that I've definitely kind of feel like a calling and more communication.

Meditating definitely helps, and getting out in nature and things like that. So yeah, that's kind of what brings me to Wyrmendt.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (28:55)

It's so sweet.

And it's great because you had those challenges of the miscarriage and the breakup, and you found ways to cope, and you had the spiritual practices, the meditating and so on. And that's your personal practice. And also even relocating and deciding you are going to

live your life and dive in with things you are interested in. You're sharing your personal experience, and as much as it's important for people to also learn from the experts, they do need to get medical advice or legal advice, things like that. I think that people can end up seeing an author or a speaker or anything like that as their best friend at a distance.

They can, it can feel like they are learning from someone who has been in a similar situation, and that can help people to feel a bit less alone. It can show one of the possible ways that life can end up because after hearing from people who've done work in particular areas, then it's so important for anyone to find some common ground, find their people. So

You're sharing personal experiences that people have had in similar ways in any parts of the world.

Clare Taber (30:23)

Yeah,

Yeah, definitely. I, you know, I kind of say, hopefully I learned all the lessons so other people don't have to. I don't know if I did it right or anything, but, know, as I say, you know, you just kind of have to learn to like pivot and, ⁓ you know, I've come, you know, I feel like I'm pretty good at it now. ⁓ So, you know, at 50, you know, I feel like, you know, I've

I've lived a lot of lives, but I also feel like I have a to ⁓ live, a lot more to learn. And yeah, it's exciting ⁓ having a new opportunity and things like that, getting to explore your passions. And it's a little scary.

jumping in, taking a leap of faith. But, ⁓ you know, I think when you work for yourself, you, you know, every day is like, you know, what can I learn? And, you know, I love to be creative. I've, you know, have fun, you know, making some like swag now. So, you know, just hats and, you know, water bottles and things like that. So. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:38)

What's this?

Clare Taber (31:45)

So yeah, I'm kind of like exploring that kind of like creative side and you know, who knows where we'll lead.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:52)

It sounds like you're a lesson to everybody is to dive in and try new things, and you are holding your audience's hand as you try new things.

Clare Taber (32:03)

Yeah, think even with like, when my kids were getting older, it's okay to have like little failings. You kind of have to figure things out for yourself and you're like, you're there to catch them. But if you don't try new things, if you don't ⁓ explore your passions or new things, like I'm joining a pickleball league tomorrow.

So we'll see. We'll see where that goes.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (32:34)

Okay.

I definitely want to focus on the main life lessons, but I have to ask. I think I might have seen that in TV a little bit, but for those who don't know what's involved in that game, just curious.

Clare Taber (32:46)

Yeah.

Okay, so I had to Google the rules and stuff and what to wear and all that. ⁓ So it's pretty much like on a tennis court ⁓ and it's a different kind of paddle. It almost looks like a ping pong paddle, mine's square. And then you're almost using like a a Whiffle ball. ⁓

But for me, was like, it's a new way to get some cardio in. ⁓ And since I'm new to the area, ⁓ I thought it'd be great to meet people. I was walking my dog and picking up dinner, and wound up chatting with someone who was actually from Australia. And so she was the one who was like, ‘You should join us.’ So I'm always chatting with people on the street.

Ha

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (33:46)

There's a lesson as well, and I want to get back to another topic in a moment, but there's a lesson. If anyone is moving to an area, try any activity at all to meet new people, because I believe we are social creatures. Do you agree?

Clare Taber (33:57)

Yeah.

Absolutely, yeah. I mean, I do talk to myself a lot, but it's also good to, you know, bounce things off, you know, and my pets, they're like, stop singing to me, I make songs about them, but. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (34:08)

Hahaha!

Okay, but the healthy option is to talk to other people. ⁓ We're trying totally different things like a new sport to meet people and also to keep active. So, the basic healthy things, as much as you're doing those big goals, publishing a book, it's important to also have those personal goals as well to look after yourself.

Clare Taber (34:20)

Right, right. Yeah.

Yeah, definitely. ⁓ You know, it's a great way to network with people. And, you know, who knows what the next chapter will bring or the next exciting activity ⁓ or injury will be.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (35:05)

But you're right, you meet the most interesting people anywhere.

Clare Taber (35:09)

Yeah, no, definitely. yeah, her name's, you know, Susie, which is funny because I didn't get her last name or I didn't even get like her like Instagram handle or anything. She's like, just come, just come. And I was like, all right. You know, she's like, just look it up online. And so I did. And so I don't even know if she knows I'm coming, but I was just like, you know, I just felt like inspired by our conversation. And yeah, so.

you my ex-husband, you know, would always say to me, he's like, you know, you don't have to talk to everybody. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (35:48)

There's a question.

Did you ever have people telling you that you are talking too much? I don't believe in that sort of attitude, but I know that I had some people telling me over the years, you're talking too much. This is all getting too intense. Settle down. Did you ever attract that sort of attitude?

Clare Taber (36:07)

yeah, definitely. ⁓ Yeah, one of my professors for my litigation class told me on day one that I was not allowed to ask any more questions. He's like, you're done for the semester. Yeah, so I've always been like that. But I just feel like when you're chatting with people, ⁓

And I love to, you know, kind of like go deep, like, you know, not necessarily like surface level. ⁓ you know, I always joke around that I'm like the drunk friend that you meet at the party where, you know, they're like, you're my like drunk best friend, you know, like you just go deep and, ⁓ yeah, I just like to find out like, you know, what people are about and things like that. And, ⁓ yeah, you just, you know, learn a lot and

I literally meet people on the street every day and connect with them. I met someone else that is a smart woman entrepreneur and we connected and she gave me her website, I gave her mine and at some point we're gonna collaborate. So you just never know when you're talking to someone.

what the universe is going to bring you, know, to be a, you know, a soul connection that you don't know of and whether it's, you know, a friend or, you know, a love partner or whatever. So, yeah, so that's kind of how I live my life. But yes, all the time. Everyone says that I'm chatty.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (37:47)

He froze up there.

I love the, the lesson that you have of befriending people. I think that's really important because.

My personal experience has been that I stumbled upon people online, or when I needed some work for something, and then it turned out that some people had these amazing backgrounds and really connected opportunities, or people are just creating something new. And I think that it's really fun when

You don't know who you're meeting, and that's probably a lesson in itself because you're saying hi to anyone. And I think that it's important to not judge a book by its cover.

Clare Taber (38:44)

Right. Yeah, I joke around that I'm a little bit like if you've ever seen the movie Elf ⁓ with Will Ferrell. I'm a little bit of like a Christmas elf. So sometimes it gets me in trouble, and sometimes I'm just trying to have fun and hopefully spread a little joy and. ⁓

You know, year-round holiday joy.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (39:17)

Well, that's probably a question we need to explore there because it sounds like maybe in work or in life, befriending everybody and trying to be everybody's best friend. We know that we can't trust everybody, and some people have various intentions and motives. So what can you say after this many decades about balancing wanting to just care and share for everybody, but also

Clare Taber (39:20)

Okay.

Right.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (39:45)

needing to make sure that you're okay and that a situation is okay.

Clare Taber (39:50)

So yeah, I've definitely learned some life lessons. I guess I like to call myself a former people pleaser, also like an empath. ⁓ so I like feel people's energies, feel people's emotion, and I always ⁓ give people the benefit of the doubt. ⁓ so yeah, sometimes it gets me in trouble because yeah, sometimes they're

you people who don't necessarily have like the truest of intentions ⁓ and that kind of see you, you know, that way and think, you know, they say they're, you know, the expression, you know, don't mistake my kindness for weakness. So, so, yeah, so kind of after learning a few lessons, ⁓ you know, I think as an empath,

For some reason, narcissists, you know, are drawn to so

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (40:52)

My goodness, I knew there was

a reason why you found me. Okay. I just thought so, joining so much. So being empathetic and just feeling so much deep care for everybody. It attracted some narcissists in your direction.

Clare Taber (40:56)

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Definitely, yeah. ⁓ Yeah, and it takes a long time to not only realise that because a lot of them are wearing masks, a lot of them are like covert narcissists. And on the outside, they're wonderful family people and things like that. ⁓ Meanwhile, they are not necessarily rooting for your success. ⁓

And some will go to great lengths to not help you enjoy success. So yeah, I've definitely learned some life lessons the hard way, setting boundaries, noticing those red flags. And you know.

really kind of like checking in with yourself and like, you know, how does this person make me feel? You know, when you leave them, like, do you feel drained? You know, are they someone that's kind of like always taking from you? And, you know, or someone that, as I said, is just not championing your success, you know.

I was friends with someone, and we went out, and then the next day she bought the same exact outfit that I had on, which can be flattering. ⁓ But it was just, it was like other things like she bought the car that I had been talking about wanting and like, just things like that. And it got to the point where I'm just like, I kind of have to end this friendship because ⁓

it was, it got quite toxic. You know, like interested in like the people that I was in a relationship with. Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (43:16)

I wanted your life.

Clare Taber (43:18)

Yeah, it got a little weird. And as an empath, you're just like, it's flattering and things like that. ⁓

And yeah, so, you know, I've definitely learned, you know, the hard lessons, you know, relationships that I was in for six years. ⁓ They, ⁓ again, you know, on the outside, it looks like they're, they're rooting for you. ⁓ And then they're really not. ⁓ And ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (43:58)

word that they

Really wanting? Are they trying to take advantage of the kindness? Are they? ⁓

Clare Taber (44:06)

So, ⁓ I've had relationships with a few people who have had depression. And so, my father was actually hospitalised for depression. And I remember visiting him in the hospital when I was in grade school, and you go, and he wasn't hooked up to machines, and he didn't have a cast on his leg. And so you're kind of like, ‘why are you here?’

you know, kind of learned, you know, a little bit about, you know, mental illness and things like that. So, you know, down the line, I was in relationships with people ⁓ who had depression. And, you know, it's tough that you really want to help people. And so, you know, and, you know, and maybe it was like taking advantage of a little bit. ⁓ And then at some point you have to understand like

I'm giving too much of myself. I'm losing myself. And meanwhile, if this person is not actively seeking help for themselves, I'm not a psychologist. I can only do so much. ⁓ So, yeah, you kind of have to get to a point where you just choose yourself. And you're like, I have to self-preserve. And ⁓ it's hard because.

As empaths, you know, we're always wanting to help people, you feel people's emotions, you want to, you know, cure them. And, you know, it's taken me to this point to realise it's not my job to cure them. You know, maybe in some sort of way, I am like a spiritual healer or something like that, but

you have to set boundaries, and you have to kind of fill your own cup before you fill out anyone else's cup. And, you know, there was a long time that I would be, you know, kind of running on empty, you know, filling everyone else's cups. And, yeah, so that's kind of like what this new beginning is about for me is, you know, filling my cup first and then hopefully, you know, I'm able to spread the joy.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (46:30)

filling your cup, you need to look after yourself and the desire to look after people. You mentioned at least before we started recording that he got into the military because you, so it was as a medic to try to, so as a medic, you did that because you wanted to help people. Guessing the medic, sorry, I'm not from that space. So it's handy in case anyone else is listening and it's not from that space. So I'm guessing that the medic helps.

Clare Taber (46:45)

Yes.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (46:58)

the people in the military to be okay.

Clare Taber (47:00)

Yes. Yeah, so.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (47:02)

said that.

Clare Taber (47:06)

So yeah, it started early.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (47:08)

Yeah, that desire

to help. You can see that common thread. And it was a while when you weren't working full-time when you were parenting, there was less work. So we're seeing this theme of sacrificing, sacrificing yourself to help the workers in the military, sacrificing yourself to look after your family and not work and earn money as much. Then later in your career, perhaps

sacrificing your your identity or sacrificing your peace of mind when other people are taking advantage of your kindness. I think that's really relatable.

Clare Taber (47:49)

Right.

Yeah, and you know, you know, it can go the other way, where people are like, well, now you're being selfish. And, you know, so like that like cuts deep. then you're like, no, it's not being selfish. Like you have to take care of yourself. You know, my mom, you know, died pretty young. And, you know, I'm a product of her where she always was helping people. ⁓

And my brother is handicapped. She actually went to Washington, T.C. to get legislature passed to help handicap kids and build ramps for schools. She started a foundation called Understanding Handicap. So yeah, I think I get it from her. But yeah, she...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (48:38)

sophisticated.

Clare Taber (48:50)

so sad. She actually went to work, had a heart attack, and collapsed on the doorstep. Thankfully, she survived at the time. But yeah, it's something to think about. It's like how much are we giving of ourselves, and if you're not doing the self-care and saying no is self-care, I believe. ⁓

And so I'm definitely a lot more choosy about who I spend my time with because if they're not filling up my cup as well, ⁓ then yeah, then I have so many other hobbies.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (49:40)

Absolutely.

And I love how all these little details are coming out in your story as we delve deeper because realising that your mother created a foundation advocating for people with disabilities. That, I think that sort of theme comes up in other places, especially where I'm living, people are very interested in that space. And so the one thing I'll ask, because

Clare Taber (50:05)

Mm-hmm.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (50:10)

The focus here is on self-care. I'm wondering, what did you see in observing your mother's advocacy, and how, perhaps, is it sometimes a bit of an uphill battle? Is it something that takes a long time? And how do you all choose which issues you push on and which ones you let go? And then how do you look after yourself through all of that?

Clare Taber (50:37)

So ⁓ I definitely ⁓ inherited my mother's stubbornness. ⁓ Hopefully I use it to my advantage. ⁓ She was a very soft, sweet woman. She wore dresses all the time, cleaned the house in her dress. And my favourite thing about her is that she always had her to-do list on Saturdays for cleaning. And my dad kind of took care of the outside of the house and she took care of the inside.

They had a beautiful relationship, but he would ask if she could do something in particular. And she's like, well, it's not on this week's to-do list. I'll put it on next week. yeah, she had a little bit of a fire in her. And I know when she went to talk in Washington, she was definitely met with a lot of...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (51:17)

NUTS

Clare Taber (51:36)

obstacles and things like that. You really, ⁓ she was very good with, you know, connecting with people who could help her and things like that. And, you know, it's interesting, I kind of took a little bit of her ⁓ passion and ⁓ I helped to get ⁓ ramps for on the beaches. ⁓ So I was in

⁓ a little town called Rockport, Massachusetts. And next to it, it was a big beach, Good Harbour Beach in Gloucester. And I noticed there was just one like wooden ramp that was rickety. And, you know, as I said, my brother is in a wheelchair and, you know, I've done a lot of charity work with wounded veterans and things like that. And

I just happened to see on Facebook something called a Moby Mat, and it's ⁓ made of Kevlar, which is military material. And they were showing you could drive a military Humvee over it, but it's also removable. ⁓ But you can put wheelchairs and strollers and beach wagons and things like that. So I ⁓ just sent an email to, I think it was the mayor.

and you know took a little bit you know maybe did some follow-up emails and he's like well you know don't really handle that but you know this you know so he sent you know me to someone else and so I sent an email to them and they're like well I don't really deal with that and sent me to someone else and so finally someone was like yeah they're like I actually know someone that has funding for like accessibility

but they don't know what to do with the funds and I could connect you two. ⁓ So basically, you know, I connected with that person and I was like, well, I'm happy to do all the legwork since you secured the funding. And so, yeah, it took a little bit, but we were able to get, you know, a beach mat, you know, we did the measurements and things like that. ⁓

for the beach and the public was so happy about it that I think it was a year or two later they bought three more and more beach wheelchairs and then they bought them for the other beaches and you know it's definitely like an uphill battle. You know I even tried it in my own town and I got shot down three times and ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (54:19)

What?

It's a ramp. How do we end up with obstacles for something as simple as getting a ramp in?

Clare Taber (54:27)

Well, it's interesting because they had something called Awesome Rockport, which was like an $1,000 grant. And I was able to price it where they were going to get it under that. And I literally pitched it multiple times. And they loved the idea. And sometimes it was because they chose somebody else who had a great idea too. So it wasn't necessarily like they're like, no, that's horrible. We're not going to do that. But the last time I went,

They're like, well, we really feel like this is something the town should be doing and not this grant foundation. And they're like, can you send everything to the town? And so I did. And then basically went back and forth a little bit, and nothing became of it. So at that point, I was kind of moving. I was like, I've

given all I can, I've given them all the information. ⁓ It's very sad that they don't want to help senior citizens and people in wheelchairs. It was ⁓ a town that ⁓ has a high senior citizen, but it's ⁓ tourist. And I was like, even if you do it for marketing, basically you can Google, you know, handicap accessible beaches and you're there. So it's like you bring in more tourists. So it's just like, you know, whatever the reason, but so yes.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (56:04)

So it would have been an opportunity

And they didn't follow through anyway. And your lesson to yourself and to others is that sometimes you can only do what you can and give people the information and they're either going to do something with the information or they won't.

Clare Taber (56:13)

Right. Right.

But yeah, I was very happy that Gloucester basically took my idea and ran with it. And I even had friends sending me the newspaper article and they were excited. So that was exciting. So you just stay positive and do what you can do. And when I moved out here in December,

I actually connected with the accessibility person for Santa Monica. I had a couple of meetings with them. So who knows what's going to happen with that? then the fires happened, and that was a lot. So I was like, OK, I'll give it a little bit of time and follow up. So yeah, you kind of have to be the squeaky wheel a little bit.

and do legwork. But then also, I get to do things that bring me my personal joy too. So I my cup a little bit more and then I can go back. So that's kind of how I work. I go out, do my thing, and then I come back and then go out and do more.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (57:34)

We have discovered so much from this because initially on the surface, it looked like the main thing you were doing was exploring your spirituality and you are, but you are doing that and exploring new activities to look after yourself as you're actually, I had no idea until this conversation that you're actually advocating to create very simple physical accessibility in areas.

Clare Taber (58:00)

Yeah, so I just, you know, I think at some point you kind of realise like you can't do it all. And so if I can like plant the seeds and other people, you know, like maybe that's what I'm supposed to be doing is, you know, like I can help other people grow. ⁓ And, you know, that's kind of like why I wrote the book and things like that, you know, who knows where, you know, maybe you can come on my podcast.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (58:30)

I'd love to. And would you like to send a link later for the association, not the association, sorry, the foundation.

Clare Taber (58:30)

Hahaha! ⁓

Sure, absolutely.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (58:40)

Awesome. And share anything I want to know about the foundation. I wanted to know about your book, and I would love to talk on your podcast. It's really interesting because I've been doing this podcast for a few weeks, but it means it's mainly about everybody else's story. So it's really nice if there's any chance to share my story later, but this is all about you.

Clare Taber (59:00)

Absolutely, I

would love that. I would love that. And you know, I do have a little bit of an off button on that. I am a good listener.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (59:13)

Actually, these conversations, they teach us. It sounds like you might've experienced that as well, because even I think settling into podcasting, although I sort of relate what the guest is talking about to something from my own chunk of the world, to join the dots and see how it could connect with everybody. We have to really stop and listen a lot when we're hosting a podcast.

Clare Taber (59:18)

Uh-huh.

Right.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (59:40)

That's a very interesting skill for a chatty person.

Clare Taber (59:41)

Yeah.

Yeah, so ⁓ I read somewhere about podcasts that you're supposed to do like a majority on your own. And I was like, well, I don't want to do like, you know, I'm with myself all the time. Like I want to, you know, meet other people and see what they're doing. ⁓ you know, so, so yes, I would love to have you. So. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:00:09)

Thank you so much.

Clare Taber (1:00:11)

So yeah, I decided, I think I was gonna call it, ⁓ what are you doing here? Basically, it's kind of like a purpose-driven life, like what is your purpose? ⁓ And some people are still finding that out. So yeah, I plan on kind of getting it off the ground in October, so ⁓ you can be one of my first guests.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:00:18)

Okay.

Just dive in.

Clare Taber (1:00:41)

Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:00:41)

Look, just dive in. I would record with you anytime because you have the tech, have some sort of microphone. I found my microphone on Facebook Marketplace and you need any program to record on and then you're set to go. So whenever you want to, it's so simple and easy to do it. And I think we'll have so much to talk about. I think the common ground that I've seen in you is that

Clare Taber (1:00:52)

Okay.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:01:07)

I would love to call my episode with you nine lives and you're nearly two and a half decades older than me, but you had all these different phases in life. And I think one of the things that I loved exploring with you is pivoting and switching from one chunk of life to another and bouncing back from adversities. So whether it be breakups or something else. And I think that that's a big lesson.

to learn because especially, I think what I've experienced being in my 30s and also meeting people in their 40s, they might have had a while of being one particular type of person and then something happens and then everything is shifting. Whether you're going into a totally different industry and I think I learned that from you a lot. You went from the military to League Ladmin to now exploring spirituality and I think that that leap, it's simple for us.

Clare Taber (1:01:53)

Right.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:02:05)

The gutsy ones who just dive in with things, but I think for some listeners, it can be beyond their comfort zone to figure out what to do next.

Clare Taber (1:02:08)

Right.

Yeah, I feel like anyone can have a podcast, but to make it interesting and something that people can connect with. ⁓ And as I said, ⁓ I feel like I'm still learning all the time, even at this stage in my life. And who knows what the next pivot is going to be? Maybe a nose ring. I was thinking about a nose ring.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:02:43)

Like.

I would not have guessed that, but I was wondering, have you ever been a motivational or inspirational speaker?

Clare Taber (1:02:48)

Yeah.

I have not. Mean, I think I've spoken to small crowds, but more on a casual basis.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:03:05)

That counts. It totally does.

Clare Taber (1:03:08)

But definitely not on like a broad scale. ⁓ It might be hard to like, you know, if they only give me a time limit just to... ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:03:18)

That's

Okay, we all need a challenge in life. That can be the challenge to then, actually, that's a good thing to mention because when you are a very chatty person, the challenge isn't getting yourself to talk, it's, it's condensing your message into a smaller time. And that's to happen whether you're having a meeting for your advocacy or whether you're having

Clare Taber (1:03:21)

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Right.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:03:46)

⁓ talk about your book or anything like that, there's normally a set time, well, time is finite no matter what anyway.

Clare Taber (1:03:56)

Right. That's what I believe. I feel like I'm on like, you know, many lives.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (1:03:58)

So that's, yeah, yeah.

I know the feeling, but look, this has been amazing to talk and we've been so chatty and it has delved into so many themes and stories and thank you so much for sharing. Thanks, Claire.

Clare Taber (1:04:17)

Thank you. Thank you, I appreciate

it. And then we'll chat more. Have a great day.