Podcast Episode: Elizabeth’s journey as a memoirist and advice for writers

Transcript

Elizabeth Wilson (00:00)

I love that and good on you for just moving forward and showing up and doing it and putting it out there. Like you said, even if it's not perfect, we don't want perfect, we want real. And if that's not the premise of writing memoir, like I don't know what is. So beautiful way to like bring that in.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:17)

Really?

Look, I'm getting so many conversations that are fate and you are one of them. This is incredible because I thought about writing a book a few years ago and I wrote maybe two thirds of it and then I thought, the journey isn't finished. There's another chapter that hasn't happened yet that needs to go in and you've probably heard people say that by the sounds.

Elizabeth Wilson (00:35)

Mm-hmm.

I that. I lived that. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:43)

What was, okay, we'll start with that. What was your experience with thinking, I have a bit more to live before I can write about it.

Elizabeth Wilson (00:51)

So nothing has altered my life and brought me more healing and richness and just massive change than the process of actually sitting down to write my memoir. And it was during the memoir writing process that I actually got divorced, which changed a lot of the tone of the memoir. One of my main themes running through the memoir is loneliness. And I was really focused in the book on writing about

the friendships that would come and go, the communities I lost when I moved or left a job, and even the ways that connection to others shifted in motherhood and how lonely I felt then. But I wasn't even touching the loneliness that I felt in my then marriage because I frankly didn't know how it was gonna end and I didn't wanna put too much into the book and cause drama where I didn't need to stir up stuff.

But once I got divorced, then that honestly gave me the freedom to write about it and write about what that was like as well, coming home and feeling not seen, not understood. And so it was at that point that I had that realization that you had as you were writing that, I'm still living chapters of this book. Like, it's not done yet. So I actually continued writing throughout that process and more life happened. And so,

To date, I'm basically only one year past the timeline where the book ends. And I've been writing for almost three years. So there's a lot, probably only four years of it. I had lived by the time I actually started writing, but I didn't know that at the time. And it was actually through the writing process that opened my eyes to so many things that pushed me to ask for things in my life that I...

now realized that I deserved but didn't believe I was worthy of back then. And I just did so much internal work from having seen those repeated cycles and patterns when I was trying to put my story into like a linear narrative. It was really eye-opening to the ways that I would continue to tweak and mold myself to what I thought someone else wanted me to be, whether that was at work.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (03:01)

you ⁓

Elizabeth Wilson (03:07)

whether that was in a relationship, whether that was how I showed up as a mom, any area of my life and seeing that pattern over and over again, I really had to face it and decide if I was going to keep doing that or if I was going to take a different approach. So writing memoir will change your life.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (03:24)

There is so much there. Let's tell the story a little bit for those of you, sorry, for those who don't know your story. I think it will be good to set the scene first before then delving deeper into some of that advice. I'm really curious. How old was your child when you got divorced? How did that divorce start? Was that your main live event?

Or was something happening before that, that went into the memoir and that shaped you even leading up to the divorce.

Elizabeth Wilson (04:01)

Great question. So the book opens with a cross country move from the Asheville area of North Carolina to central northern Minnesota, about four hours from the Canadian border. So very far north in a small town called Bemidji. And I was moving there because I had just taken on a new role at a ⁓ different crime lab for the state of Minnesota.

but it was the same position that I had held for six years in North Carolina. So I had grown disenchanted with the things going on in North Carolina and I had sought ⁓ new employment. And so me and my then wife were traveling, were moving to what we hoped would be a fresh start.

this move symbolized a fresh start for us. And that's what I really dug into, was wanting to bring this community in, to find community. And I really found it through my coworkers at the lab. ⁓ A number of things happen with the lab work. Ultimately, sort of the turning point is I was sexually assaulted by one of my bosses.

⁓ at an after hours social thing that we were just doing as friends because I was very close with a lot of my coworkers and they got promoted to be my boss. And I didn't realize it at the time. It took me another... Another nine months before I really understood the impact that that assault had had on me.

We had sort of addressed it in the moment and there was some apologies and it was like, let's not, you know, report to internal affairs that that would get messy. We can work through this. I'll give you space. ⁓ But after I got a promotion where this person was now my direct supervisor, I experienced just this extreme anxiety.

depression, this drastic weight loss. And to be honest, at the time I didn't recognize it for what it was. I thought that this was, you know, ⁓ almost a year into the pandemic. This was a year and a half into motherhood. And I thought I was just losing it because of those things and the loss of community that happened around the pandemic, the loss of support. We weren't living near family.

It was just, life was just hard. Maybe I couldn't handle this new promotion and all the responsibilities and the stress. So there was so much that I just kind of brushed aside. But I had this revelation, like I said, nine months later, where it all clicked for me. And once I knew that, I couldn't unknow it. And so I was no longer able to really function at work. ⁓ It was definitely a

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (07:00)

you

Elizabeth Wilson (07:05)

ender for me. It was I have to get out of here. I don't feel safe. I don't know what's going to what I'm going to do next or what we as a family are going to do next, but I can't stay here and it was a small town. It's not like I could just get a different job in this small town. So we ended up moving to Colorado, which is where we all currently reside. And we moved when my daughter was.

about two years old. And then, so we lived here. We again tried to find community here, get involved here. I ended up getting sober and stopped drinking. I did attribute drinking to some of the issues with the sex assault and how all that unfolded. But also I was just living somewhere that was healthier. I had left my stressful career behind. I didn't want to hold on to

this one more unhealthy thing when I was really trying to rebuild my life in a way that was wholesome and healthy. But things continued to deteriorate within the marriage. My then wife became the person who was pursuing a career. I was staying at home with the two-year-old. And by home, I mean we lived in an RV at the time. So I was staying in a small metal box with the two-year-old all day.

and so that brought its own challenges, but it was around when.

a year later that we got divorced. Maybe two years later, maybe I'm messing up the timeline. But we had some challenges and things. then so about two years after moving to Colorado, we got divorced. And that's only halfway through the book.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (08:35)

So.

It's okay.

That's halfway through your journey. So much happened and moving. So many of those experiences are relatable. And as you share your truth, people can be inspired by that moving from place to place, especially in the pandemic. I could relate to that part. I moved.

quite a bit during the pandemic and it was a very isolating time as well. Did you feel even more isolated because of that era?

Elizabeth Wilson (09:20)

Yes.

Yeah, absolutely. It's very isolating. And you're right, there's just so much. It sounds like it's a lot. And it is. was a lot that happened. So there's a lot of different pieces that hopefully people can relate to. It was after I got divorced because I was coming out of being a stay at home mom. I had left my career behind and had done the whole stay at home mom life that I then had to figure out what I was going to do next.

So I ended up starting the Inspired Writer Collective, which is a writing business, with a fellow writer friend of mine that I had met here in Colorado. And we've got a podcast and we've got memoir writing programs. And as you can tell, I've continued to write my memoir. started it a little bit after moving to Colorado, I started writing. And so I continue to work on all these projects. And that's where I funnel so much of

my creativity and my attention and everything into now. So it is less now about turning the spotlight on myself and it's about helping other women find their story to find the message that's on their hearts that they want to share and recognizing that it doesn't have to be perfect or polished and it frankly shouldn't. It should be messy and relatable and vulnerable and real because

That's just human. And especially in the days of AI and all sorts of filters and tweaking and plastic surgery and stuff, I think we're just craving that flavor of real and authentic.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (11:02)

It sounds like that's one of your top pieces of advice for anyone who is sharing their story in any capacity to make it real and remove the filters a bit more.

Elizabeth Wilson (11:13)

Absolutely, and show the moments where you break down show the moments where you made a wrong choice like it's really important in memoir that you don't just Paint yourself as the good guy because you're not always the good guy Even if you had went in with the best of intentions and tell the reader you had the best of intentions But also show us where like you had to learn a lesson the hard way. Maybe you

You know, yell at your kid and totally let loose because you were stressed out about your day or something else that happened. Whatever it is, like show us that you're not perfect because we know that we're not perfect as the readers and that helps us, you know, relate to you to know that even if we don't have the same flaws or shortcomings or weaknesses, just to know that you have them helps.

us as the reader feel more related to you as the writer and the share of your story.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (12:10)

And as a human, for sure. It's, amazing that you created a community and a resource as your next career. I have a few questions around that because there are so many people who need to start a new career after being a stay at home parent, or perhaps because the last career had issues or it was the time for the next thing, even.

Even after you left that village and that job in that small town, it was time for something else. What words of wisdom do you have for people who are looking for their next, their next work move and even looking at creating an independent work for the first time.

Elizabeth Wilson (12:58)

My biggest, I guess, piece of wisdom that I gleaned from going through this process was that it's going to happen slower than you really ever would want it to. But the way to break through is consistency. And it is the most boring advice, and I cringed every time I heard it.

as I was trying to figure out, how do we get more followers? How do we get our podcast? How do we spread the word? It is so lame, but it is just consistency. And the same is true with trying to write your memoir. It is just showing up and just putting words to the page, doing what you need to do. Now for me, for a little while, I was pursuing that.

100 % of the time I didn't have any additional source of income even though that as a young business was not bringing in substantial income, right? So there was a period of time where I was living off of what else I had. Now, the way that I have found that works for me is that I have a low stress job, you know, the classic like go to work. I actually work for the school system. So I have summers off, which is nice.

and I'm done by 3.30 in the afternoon and then I get to come home and write or podcast and work on that business. So for me, especially in a creative business that helps relieve the stress of putting that financial burden on this creative effort has to result in dollar signs, right? And it's so important when we're talking about ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (14:30)

I'm a student.

Elizabeth Wilson (14:40)

creative offering that you give yourself the space to put out your best work and not just crank out what's gonna sell. Could I have made things that potentially would sell better than what I'm doing right now? Sure, I bet people would buy ⁓ a DIY download of how to, you the first 10 steps of writing your memoir and great. But what I love

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (14:42)

Thank

you

Elizabeth Wilson (15:07)

What I love is sitting in the small groups that I offer with the program and where we go deep into the core message of the story and we look at your life and we put it onto an outline so that you can have the clarity and the cohesive plan for writing your story. That's how I want to show up. So yes, does something else maybe earn a base dollar amount faster? Sure.

But does it light me up? You can hear it in my voice. Does it light me up the way that the work I'm doing now? Does? No way. So I'd much rather just, I'd much rather take this route. ⁓ And I just want to remind people that it doesn't mean anything less if your business, especially a creative endeavor, is not paying all the bills right away. Like that's okay. There's no shame in that. It doesn't mean that you're

your creative work is valued less.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (16:07)

is very encouraging, especially for the early days. And you started with simple steps and started with your own writing and then gradually build your community. We've all seen how some of the largest companies started with small steps and maybe just a few customers. And so do you think that some people want that greatness

instantly and maybe are you basically explaining to people that there is a journey and it's an upward slope? It's a piece at a time.

Elizabeth Wilson (16:46)

Yeah, absolutely. I wanted that too because I wanted that external validation that what I was saying, what I was doing was reaching people and that they liked what I said and I had to work through that and kind of move past that to get to a place where I know that I'm putting out things of value, messages that are uplifting, that are encouraging other writers through that weekly podcast, through

the blog post I write or anything else and just trusting that the right people are gonna find me and it's actually great that I'm not for everyone and it's taken a lot of time to really hone down what my, what I believe my purpose and my message is and how I wanna show up for other people. I started like I think most entrepreneurs do.

much more broadly thinking like, the more people I can help, the more clients will have and the more opportunities there will be for, you know, diversity of income. And that's great. But then you're not known for anything. And I would much rather be that person that when you're talking Melanie to a friend, you know, six months from now and they're like, you know what? I've been thinking about writing a memoir instantly.

What comes to your mind is, ⁓ I know someone that helps people do specifically that. And until you can grow that confidence, and you're right in hinting that it really, you grow through the process to become the person who then is able to run a bigger business. There are plenty of times that I think about how grateful I am that we are growing.

in a slow, sustainable way that has allowed me to continue to show up the way I want to as a mom, that has allowed me to continue to write my own memoir and not have to put it on the back burner in order to deal with incoming business. I am so grateful for the way that it's all unfolded and the pace that it's gone at, even though in those early days, I...

constantly would look for the number of new followers or the number of podcast downloads or whether people commented on a video or a reel. Now I don't worry about that and I trust that my messages are finding the right people and I show up consistently and I come on other podcasts and show up and just try to share as broadly and heartfelt as I can.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (18:53)

So, yeah.

That is such an important lesson for everybody right now, because you focused on finding a space where you can have a conversation like this podcast and other spaces and having that detailed conversation to me, that feels more meaningful and more connected than just how many people clicked like, even though some of your followers might be feeling so much gratitude for what you're doing and

really absorbing what you're saying and that's great. But are you seeing a lot of people getting very swept up and dependent on those, what we call vanity metrics on social media?

Elizabeth Wilson (19:55)

Yeah, you know, it seems I see it the most probably in my world on threads where I'm connected to a bunch of other writers and on there I can see people post about how discouraged they are when they don't get the pre-order sales that they're expecting or they haven't built up that, you know, internet following that they're hoping for before they launch their book or they just don't sell the number of copies of their first book that they're hoping for but

The stats show and people will tell you who have been in the business for a while that it may take your third or fourth or fifth book before people learn your name. And when they do and they enjoy your work, they will go back and buy a copy of everything you've ever written. So it's this philosophy that your second book is the best marketing tool for your first book. And your third book is your best marketing tool for your second and first book.

So I feel like that likely translates into other mediums outside of book sales that when you continue to do something else, when you put something out into the world, say podcast episodes, you put a podcast episode out into the world, what's gonna get the most traction to that podcast episode? That next one you put out, you know? And then someone finds your backlog of your recorded episodes, your whole catalog and...

There's so much for them to enjoy and to get to know about you. So it's less focused on the individual pieces and more of the big picture. And again, that goes to that consistency that I said before, which is so boring, but works.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (21:35)

Exactly. The consistency makes a difference and you are still finding new people who can discover your work now because I just found you recently while you responded and you came on the podcast now and you've been doing your work for a while. So the next people, the next audience will find you when they are ready and when the stars align, if you believe in that sort of thing, I completely agree with you.

I look back at my mid twenties and I realized that some of my best work that I did then was after five years of doing that work. And so it looks like popping up out of nowhere. And you might've had the same thing. You worked on your book for a while and with your community. I mean, how, how long have you been running your online business?

Elizabeth Wilson (22:25)

⁓ It'll be two years in December, so we're only about a year and a half in.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (22:31)

Seriously, a year and a half? Did that start with a few people and then grow?

Elizabeth Wilson (22:36)

Yes, yes, absolutely. It started with something like 12 people. And now we have something like 100 YouTube subscribers and we just continue and keep going. we put less focus on the numbers and more focus on the actual connections we've made. Because ever since expanding our podcast to include guests, which we did about six months into the podcasting journey.

We've just got these beautiful connections that we've made with our fellow writers or experts within the industry, editors and cover designers and all of that. And it's been so cool, like you said, to build that community around us. And now when I have people enroll in my memoir program, I have like a connection with them. Like we have at least a...

Basic understanding of each other and who they are. That's not some strangers on the internet and I love that I love how How real it is and and how authentic those connections are

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (23:38)

It really is. It's so fun having those conversations and I'm thrilled that you're having that experience as well. I'm fascinated because you took a while doing your podcast individually before then bringing on guests. This one, this podcast emerged a week ago, entirely just starting off with guests on it. And I hope you have this experience as well where you get all these.

enriching conversations and you learn something from everybody and it just feels like everybody is your new best friend.

Elizabeth Wilson (24:10)

Yes. Yes. And some literally are like there are some that I still keep in contact with that I will message or whatever will send emails to some that like I've enrolled in their offerings and they've enrolled in my offerings. It's just really cool the way that you build those connections. Podcasting is a very ⁓ I just lost the word. ⁓ like the it's powerful the way it connects you with people.

and the depth of understanding that you get to gain by having one of these conversations versus just replying to someone's post or leaving a comment on someone's reel. It goes so much deeper and I love the niche topics that we get to dig into in podcasts where we could sit here and just talk about the impact of journaling and how that affects your mental health and your physical health and all the studies that have shown.

how impactful journaling and handwriting your journal is. And like, I love that. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (25:11)

Okay, let's look at that.

Is that something you do?

Elizabeth Wilson (25:15)

Yes, yeah, I'm an avid journaler. I haven't always been. were certainly periods of my life where I wasn't as dedicated to it, but now I'm really consistent. And I've used them extensively in helping jog my memory and correct my memory when it comes to trying to write about my past.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (25:36)

The journaling helps you to remember things that can then go into other writing.

Elizabeth Wilson (25:41)

Yes, and even just looking back on old journals where I think I remember something happened this way and I look back at the journal and learn that, it didn't happen that way at all, or I didn't have that information yet. I actually thought it was going this way. It wasn't until a month later that I learned about this. And then that's why I made that choice.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (26:00)

Right. I'm wondering, let's delve into the memoir writing a bit more because I think more people need to share this story and there are so many ways to do it. But I think that in a book, can dig deeper than even an hour long podcast. You can get even more data. So have you worked with people who overcame something traumatic or severe and then wondered, ⁓ okay,

Elizabeth Wilson (26:17)

Mm-hmm.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (26:25)

How am I going to write about this in a way that isn't too triggering or how do I know which parts to include and which ones are maybe too much for me or too much for the readers?

Elizabeth Wilson (26:38)

yeah, I mean, I've struggled with that journey myself of like, how much detail am I going to go into about this sex assault? And, you know, what's appropriate? What's triggering for me? Certainly the writing process for writers who are writing about past trauma can be very ⁓ triggering. And so we talk about that in the program, we talk about how to

Provide yourself with some self-care before you sit down to write that story and also planning that after care. I do recommend sitting down to do it in one block. So when you have a scene that you know you need to write that's going to be difficult for you to write, to do that in one sitting, which a typical scene's 1500 to 2000 words. So you're looking at right around an hour.

So it's like planning that time to sit down and knowing that you are going to be useless after that writing. Like you don't make plans for the evening, make sure you have some stuff set aside, whether that's like a bubble bath or a nice meal or a walk outside with a close friend, whatever it is that you need to do to take care of yourself afterwards, that's really important. But it is used in trauma therapy for a reason, to write it down.

Because as you use expressive writing and you revisit these stories, as you get them out of your head and onto paper and externalize them, they lose some of their power in the shame that you feel, in the guilt you feel, in the ways that it triggers you. And so you get to a point with time where they don't have that same scary impact that they do when you initially start.

One of the things I remind people who are writing these difficult scenes is that when you are drafting, you are simply putting it to paper. Do not worry about what the reader will think or what details to include because of the reader or ⁓ even the grammar or the sentence structure or you can jump around if you, if a thought comes later of like, ⁓ actually it was a blue dress or actually we were meeting up for this and

yeah, and this, like as the memory comes back to you in waves, just go ahead and keep writing it. Don't stop, don't try to go back and edit. You will have plenty of rounds of editing to do that in later. It's just important to get it down. The other thing that I found really helpful when I was writing some of my more difficult moments, especially those that I hadn't processed to the point where I knew what my like takeaway was from it or.

I had fully unpacked it and understood its meaning. When I was still really wrestling with it, I found it very helpful to write it either in a separate word document than the rest of my book or handwriting it in my journal. It felt safer and more removed from what is the reader gonna think about this to have it in a separate place for that initial writing.

And like with the sex assault and you brought up the question of like, how do I know what to include? I wasn't sure initially how much detail I wanted to include, but I knew I needed to just write it all down first. Once I wrote it all down, it was a lot less scary than how I had built it up in my head. So I actually decided to include all of it. But if that may not be everyone's choice. And so.

You can write it in a separate document or handwrite it in a journal and then decide once you see it out on paper how much you want to include. For much bigger things, ⁓ you can hire a sensitivity reader. You can put trigger warnings on your book or content warnings ⁓ in order to give the reader a heads up if the basic premise of your book doesn't already

kind of clue the reader into the sort of journey they're gonna be taking with you. There are ways to communicate that to the reader so that they can take care of themselves as well.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (30:31)

And that's it.

Fair point. It sounds like writing isn't just squeezed into a busy day.

Elizabeth Wilson (30:42)

Not for those hard scenes. You really have to carve out the time because you're having to revisit a very emotional time. The brain doesn't know the difference. When you're reliving the moment in order to put it down on paper, for you, like neurologically and like the cortisol that you release, the adrenaline, all of that, it's like you're back there. And so I just...

like to give writers the heads up, especially with those difficult scenes, to make sure you're in a really positive place when you sit down to write that scene. Don't write that scene when you're fighting with your partner or when you're stressed out about getting your kid to an event later or, you know, and you feel cramped for time. Like, really give yourself some space. This is the kind of stuff you might want to even do, like.

on a self-imposed writer's retreat or something of that nature. Really look and set aside that time for writing the more difficult parts. That doesn't have to be every story and every scene, but the parts in your book that you've identified as being the more difficult ones for you to write or the more emotional ones.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:51)

understand that so much. Even yesterday, I was seeing just a document about something that happened and just seeing the words, not even writing them, but just seeing the words that say this happened, that happened. And it's like what you're describing, just, it's like that moment was happening all over again. And I realized I can't do this. Do you think that happens for people a lot where they realize

Elizabeth Wilson (32:13)

and

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (32:18)

Okay, I need to pick my moment for this. And it might be even a bit of a shock of, oh, this is coming back and they need to, they need to be ready to relive some.

Elizabeth Wilson (32:31)

Mm hmm. Absolutely. It definitely happens. And it's one of the reasons why in the memoir program, we actually create a detailed outline. Because I don't want writers to feel forced to write the just the next scene that comes chronologically, just because that's the next one. I want you to be able to pick and choose the scene that matches where you're at that day, right? Because we ebb and flow life happens, our hormones happen. And

by being able to look at your whole outline and have those details for each scene. You can pick out a particular scene card and know exactly what to include in order to have the continuity from the scene before and the scene after. So you don't have to feel like you have to write it in order. That's given me a lot of freedom to be able to choose like a lighthearted, you know, scene about how we took this vacation on a day where I'm just not.

feeling like I can tap into really deep emotions. Or if I know that I'm ready to go there, or if I know that like those emotions are maybe already on the surface because of something recently that's happened, then I can pull out that particular scene and know that I can give it my all and show up for it. And that's one of the beauties of having an outline that is that detailed. So it's such that you can pull out a single scene and know exactly what you need to.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (33:55)

This is becoming a form of self care. And I'm fascinated by how with conversations with so many different people, it keeps coming back to self care. And what I'm learning from you, and we can all learn this is when we're selecting the work, the type of work we're going to do in a particular moment, especially when it's creative, you can, you can within the urgency and priorities of your work, there's some freedom to

decide, okay, this type of work matches my energy or my schedule or just what I'm ready for. And then that other piece of work will fit this other time in the day or the week. Can you translate that to other types of work? Did you sometimes do that in your forensic work where maybe something a bit more intense needed to be done at a particular time?

Elizabeth Wilson (34:44)

I wish I could have. I think that would have minimized the feelings of burnout in myself and the other people I witnessed if we had that flexibility. But frankly, it's first in, first out, or like highest priority, most extreme gets done first. And there's really not any room to say, ⁓ I just worked three homicides. Let me just take a, you know, breaking and entering case. No, because everything going to court is a homicide.

And all the important ones that you need to get done are homicides. And so you just move from one homicide to the next. ⁓ So no, I wish it could have been like that. And it makes me wonder as you bring this up that if we had that flexibility, if the system allowed for us to choose based off of what we were feeling that day, based off of what we were dealing with at home, would we have been able to show up better for ourselves and for the work?

would the work have benefited as well if we were able to choose based off of what would have been most caring for ourselves? And I would hypothesize that the work would have been better.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (35:50)

It would have benefited the work if you were able to still contribute what's needed, but shape some flexibility based on your external circumstances that are beyond your control.

Elizabeth Wilson (36:03)

Yes.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (36:03)

I think a lot of professions need to learn from that for sure. And I am just seeing so many specialties where people are getting burned out. And it's great that in the writing process, people can have that flexibility. mean, at least you can pick up the pen and put it down at a particular moment. And it's a bit more.

Of a long process. It's not like when you're just putting out one article really quickly. It's not like news where it has to go out to that day. So I'm wondering. I was going to ask about this earlier. Actually, I'm wondering if you do see some forms of burnout or a juggle because so I'm guessing you're now living like, sorry, you're living life as a single parent now.

Elizabeth Wilson (36:55)

Yeah, there's definitely there's there's juggling and I think you you have to recognize depending on what phase of life you're in. Certainly for me as a mom of a now six year old, there have been times in the past six years where I've had to put my focus into parenting and not on my book. ⁓ Summers are a big time where I know that like the

mental energy, the creative energy to put into my book is not going to be there because I have found for me, and I think there are others that exist this way too, is that my caretaking energy and my creative energy come from the same cup. So if I have to pour more of myself out for caretaking, taking care of my daughter, taking care of anyone else around me, ⁓ like I said, I work at a school, so taking care of the kids at school.

If I have to do that to an extent that there's not anything left in that cup, then I cannot put that pressure or expectation on myself to do something that requires creative energy. I just have to make sure that I reserve some of that energy for my creative projects or pick different times to do my creative projects. And that's why I just know that summer is not one of those times where I'm going to be able to like

dig in and do a sprint writing or anything like that. But since I know that about myself, I can use that information. And I worked really hard in the spring to get my rewrites written and my book edited so that I could pass it off to my editor this July. So on July 1st, she got my full manuscript. She had it for all of July. And then I went on a trip in early August. So I've taken

probably six weeks away from my manuscript. And I will just let her, know, edits and suggestions sit there in my inbox for a while. And I know that I'll get to them. I'll probably get to them within the next week or two, but I had to let the school year start. I had to let our schedule and our rhythms of the season return before I know where I can plug in that creative energy. And so there is this sort of interesting,

Balance is not the right word because when you think of balance you think even but ebb and flow I guess of showing up consistently to do your work and recognizing that there are seasons for different types of work. So if I'm not actively working on the book I've been working on promoting the memoir program and I've been recording podcast episodes both for my own podcast and for other podcasts.

I'm still finding ways to show up and to get the message out, even if it's not using that for my own book.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (39:46)

seasons.

Elizabeth Wilson (39:47)

seasons.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (39:47)

seasons. That is the message for everybody or the ebb and flow as well. A lot of people are saying you can have it all or do it all but not all at once.

Elizabeth Wilson (39:57)

Not all at once.

At least not well.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (39:59)

I

know, but I completely agree with your view that we only have so much energy physically. And I think that when you do have a child, your attention is naturally split in more directions or that's like a job and your creative projects are like a job. then you have your actual job.

And so naturally you have to have some compassion for yourself because you have more responsibilities than people who maybe don't have a creative project and a family, whatever it might be. You're wearing a few hats. And so it probably, did you need to have a bit of self-compassion in all that?

Elizabeth Wilson (40:45)

And I think that's why people are drawn to work with me because they know that I'm balancing all of these things. And so they know that I'll have deep empathy for the fact that they are balancing all of these things. It's not gonna be the kind of writing program where I say, okay, well, you have to sit down and work for two hours every day for the stretch of this program. They know that it's going to be streamlined and only the most important work and something that they can fit into their schedule, however they need to and adapt.

to their life and what their needs are. And I think, again, it's beautiful the way it circles back to what we talked about in the beginning about just showing up as the humans that we are, the messy parts, the real parts, the vulnerable parts. And if, as we show up that way, it is an invitation for others to be able to show up that way.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (41:37)

Your key message is to be messy and show up.

Elizabeth Wilson (41:41)

Mm-hmm. Just do it.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (41:42)

just to do it. Is that your key bit of advice as we wind up that people should just dive in, give things a try? Don't wait for yourself to be perfect or for your work to be perfect.

Elizabeth Wilson (41:55)

Yeah, yeah, it's just a start. Allow it to be messy and start anyways.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (42:00)

Awesome. Elizabeth, thank you so much. ⁓

Elizabeth Wilson (42:03)

Thank you for having me. Thank you for being willing to show up and start your podcast

and provide a space for these kinds of conversations. Your viewers are so lucky to have you. And I know that you've got so much fun content planned for them coming up.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (42:21)

This is amazing. Thanks for those words. Thanks for your time. And it's been great.

Elizabeth Wilson (42:29)

Thank you.