Podcast Episode: Celeste Odelle - a personal journey of overcoming trauma

Transcript

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:01)

Celeste, welcome to the show. It is great to see you. And you gave so much background, but let's start with hello.

Celeste Odelle (00:06)

Thank you.

Hi, thank you. Thank you for having me. I know we're countries apart, but we can meet like this. This is amazing.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:21)

We can. I've actually mostly had people from other places, other countries. It's great fun. So, no, it's good to see you from so far away.

Celeste Odelle (00:27)

Yeah.

Yeah, thank you.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (00:34)

So you've had quite a journey. Let's dive right in. And I'm so curious. How would you explain your journey to everybody?

Celeste Odelle (00:44)

Wow. Well, first of all, at this point, I'm an author, an intuitive coach, and I've been through a lot of deep trauma and I've come to on the other side, you know, for healing and finding purpose and joy again. So that's the snippet of it. ⁓ And it comes out in my book, also rerouted, Memory of a Wild Child. It's about transforming pain into purpose and really making sure that the reader knows that they matter and that change is possible and joy is possible. So that's the passion behind why I'm doing this.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (01:30)

Your book really outlines that you overcame. So let's just get to it. I think for those who are thinking about reading your book, what was the trauma? What can you say about what happened? But more importantly, what, how you overcame things, your journey.

Celeste Odelle (01:37)

Thank

Okay.

Okay, yeah. Well, just to kind of backtrack, I was brought up in a very strict religious home. And, you know, there were some good aspects of it in the sense that there was community and, you know, helping each other out in some sense. But the belief system that I took on as a child was that I didn't matter. I was unlovable and all these other things because I could never live up to the religion. I could never live up to the rules. And then I also had, you know, a father that would hit my mom. And so it was very confusing when we were being taught to you know, to be loving. And yet we could hear my sister and I could hear this, you know, after we went to bed at night and stuff. So there was just a lot of confusing, confusing beliefs and thoughts growing up. So that really catapulted me into a rebellious, wild, wild kind of decision-making for years. And then I had situations where I was just drinking and partying and lying and just getting away with what I could because I could never feel like I could live up to it anyway.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (03:42)

Did you give up on all of the standards because it felt so impossible, so you went far in the other direction?

Celeste Odelle (03:46)

Yeah, it felt like it felt like it was unachievable. And it was confusing because a lot of it didn't make sense to me. ⁓ You know, some of the rules were just ⁓ didn't make sense. And when I would question it or ask it, I was kind of told to just, you know, shush,just do it.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (04:12)

What other rules?

Celeste Odelle (04:16)

We weren't allowed to play cards or wear nail polish. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (04:19)

Why?

The cards one, I've never heard that before.

Why could you not play cards?

Celeste Odelle (04:29)

I am not completely positive, but there might've been something about the Joker in a set of cards that maybe looked like the devil or was indicated that that might've been part of it. I'm not even.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (04:33)

Okay.

I'm guessing he also, then wouldn't have been reading Harry Potter as well.

Celeste Odelle (04:51)

No, not at all. I'm just going to make sure that my is my volume okay, too.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (04:53)

Goodness.

It's okay. Is my sound okay?

Celeste Odelle (04:59)

Yeah, it's a little bit low, I'm just gonna make sure I've got this. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So anyways, I grew ⁓ and then I started exploring, or I should say exploring, realising that.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (05:08)

I hope this turned up, but I'll use my big voice as well.

Celeste Odelle (05:26)

I wanted validation and love and acceptance so bad that when I started getting it from boys as a young teenager, it was like game on. I found a way to feel important because I just was struggling so much as a child, but I didn't feel that. And so I became, you know, boys were my ticket. And so that led to a lot of chaotic things, you know, as a young teenager. What's that?

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (06:02)

Your ticket.

Your ticket.

Celeste Odelle (06:07)

Yeah, my ticket to feeling validated until, you know, I wasn't. You know, even I talk in my book about losing my virginity quite young, very young, but how confusing it was because my parents never would talk about such a thing with us, right? And then I lived with somebody after... I ended up running away, well, not running away, but I ended up leaving home at 16 and trying to make it on my own. It was just one thing after another. I was sexually assaulted by my boss. My boss.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (06:54)

Your boss, are you comfortable to say, what happened?

Celeste Odelle (06:59)

Well, I mean, I was a server, and he just kept making advances and advances. The more he got comfortable with me and then he would put me on closing shifts. So I was like the last one there. Eventually, he was drinking too much and started making moves on me. And eventually I just walked out the door and quit. But it was it was very uncomfortable for a 16-year-old to be put in that position.

But it kind of was reflective of the kind of situations I was attracting in my life. It wasn't just him. It was like kind of all of these situations were just, it just felt crazy. And then I lived with a fellow after I finally went back to school and got my grade 12, which was good.

And I was living with a guy and my parents, like it was a sin to live together. So ⁓ they were pushing us to get married.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (08:13)

Did you?

Celeste Odelle (08:15)

Yes. Yes, we did.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (08:17)

And you are how old at this point?

Celeste Odelle (08:21)

I was 18.

Yeah, 18, yeah. So it was very much the wrong reason.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (08:27)

18.

Celeste Odelle (08:41)

Sorry, it seems like we're having a bit of a lag here. I'm just trying to see if I have anything else open. So it was very much the wrong reason that we got married.

Prior to that, I had been raped at a party.  Just again, the shame and the guilt that was driving my life, made me just go inward and shove it all down, if that makes sense.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (09:20)

It really does. So was that sometime after moving out of home?

Celeste Odelle (09:27)

Yes. Yes. Yeah. And then I, so this, this young man that I married out of, you know, because we were living together, I found out within months of marrying him that he had been charged with rape, you know, a few years prior. And I was like, it really triggered me. It really triggered me. Understandably, I guess. So it kind of made me, you know, again, shut down and just go through the motions of being married. But it didn't last. Mean, if you read the book, it was quite the disastrous ending to the marriage where he was.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (10:21)

How long did it last?

Celeste Odelle (10:24)

Less than two years. And it ended with him threatening me and my family, and that was, I was living in hiding. So it was just, it was crazy. It was craziness. And then, so I finally got over that. And then I had some, you know, just situation after situation where it was just chaos running my life. It was just ridiculous.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (11:00)

What became chaotic?

Celeste Odelle (11:03)

Just the all these situations that I seem to find myself in…

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (11:10)

What? We're curious. The listeners will be wondering.

Celeste Odelle (11:17)

So I got remarried to somebody who felt really safe to me, and I'd already had a daughter at this point. So life should be settling down. And I end up in an attempted hostage situation where this person was looking for hostages, and I was in my...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (11:35)

With that person with someone else?

Celeste Odelle (11:43)

My place of work. And I...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (11:48)

Hang on, this person.

Celeste Odelle (11:54)

Sorry, the person attempted to take hostages.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (11:57)

So the person looking for hostages was that the person, the next person you married? Was that someone else?

Celeste Odelle (12:03)

No, no, no, I was already, I was already married and had a daughter. But I was happy.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (12:10)

Right. So you're at work. So what sort of place were you working in?

Celeste Odelle (12:15)

It was just an office and no real street traffic coming in or anything. And we kind of heard this commotion in the hallway, the receptionist and I. And so when we were going to check out what was going on, this person came in from the hallway into our office, and I was just.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (12:23)

Right.

Celeste Odelle (12:46)

My instincts were so strong, like so strong. I grabbed this girl's arm. Like, I didn't know what was going on. I'm like, who is this? Like, is he a client? So I grabbed her arm and I said, ‘We need to get out of here.’ Like it was so strong, this intuitive hit of just, yeah, like I knew something was up.

Celeste Odelle (13:16)

Yeah, so I go into great detail on that in the book because it's pretty, it was pretty crazy. It all happened very fast. But I knew I had to get out of the building. Everybody else stayed in the building and hid, and I led him out the back. So here's him and I in the back alley, and he's still chasing me.

But it was really an incredibly traumatic scenario. And by that time, I knew, like they had the police and SWAT team and everybody had surrounded the front of the building, but not the back. So it was just him and I. So I knew I had to get, somehow, get the attention of all the officers or somebody from the front.

in order to hopefully defuse this situation. And it was at that point that I realised that he was armed. didn't even know who this guy was or anything. I didn't know anything about what. Yeah, he had a gun and a knife, apparently. I started screaming, and it came around the back and eventually got him. But I...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (14:27)

Did he have a gun?

Celeste Odelle (14:43)

Because I was so conditioned by this point that I wasn't really, I didn't feel safe to have feelings or deal with anything. I just kind of shoved everything down and I, it was years later that I was diagnosed with PTSD, but I probably already had it, you know, you know, this stage, but.

Everything, I was just so used to shoving everything down that I didn't even allow myself to process it, I guess.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (15:21)

Do you think that you were more absorbed in a crisis moment because in a way you had crisis after crisis in life?

Celeste Odelle (15:33)

Yeah, yeah, exactly. and then when I so being married to this very safe man was so unusual for me because it was just so I was I was bored. I didn't think I deserved him.  There was lots of things going on. With that and so I ended up leaving that marriage because I just couldn't, I couldn't deal. So it was shortly after that that I actually started to see a counsellor and get some help because I was just going from one relationship to another, one disaster to another. Circling back to the hostage incident, there were two guards that were supposed to be taking care of this person that escaped from jail. He was in for murder, and they were supposed to be watching out after him on a day pass. And so when this incident happened, the media and everything kind of just blew up, and one of the guards got fired, and the other one was put on probation. So the reason that's relevant is that it happened five years later.

I'm at a different job. I live in a different city. ⁓

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (17:25)

What sort of job, in which city?

Celeste Odelle (17:29)

So I was living in Canada, so I was living close to the coast of Vancouver. So we're talking millions of people in that area, millions. And so five years later, yes, yes, yes. So this job, I'm now a claims manager of an insurance company. So.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (17:44)

Another office job? Sorry to dive in, another office job?

Celeste Odelle (17:55)

A file would come across my desk, I'd look at it and then hand it to the right independent adjuster or staff member or this or that. And then I would do all the analytical stuff. So one day, this file comes across my desk, and for whatever reason, my instincts are kicking in, and I decide I need to do this one myself. And I very seldom handled any of them myself anymore.

But for whatever reason, this one was calling me. So I made contact with this lady, and she had had a burglary in her home. And so I talked to her about the procedure of what was gonna happen, and this and that. Anyway, so she said, you're gonna have to be patient with me. I'm a single mom of three boys, and you know, I don't have a lot of time. And I'm like, okay. Anyway, so we ended up chatting a fair bit, and I was trying to support her in getting what I needed in order to process the claim. Finally, know, it wasn't that we became friends, but we became friendly. And I even met her at a gas station on the side of the highway because I needed her signature on something. And she was just so busy. And she says, I'm… She was a widow, and she was raising these three, homeschooling these three kids.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (19:30)

It's worth acknowledging you are going above and beyond. I'm guessing, I mean, I actually understand that industry. I did, I worked in that sort of space in my very first job, and I just know you wouldn't normally go to the side of the road to get someone to sign something.

Celeste Odelle (19:34)

Yeah.

Yeah, I know. It might all be done electronically now, but back then it wasn't. But yeah, so I was going over the top too. And she was just such a kind person, and I, you know, needed, there was a time limit we had to get things done. Anyway, so then finally I asked her, said, you know, if you don't mind me asking, like you're really so young to be a widow of, you know, with three boys. And then she said, Yeah, my husband committed suicide. He was fired from his job. He was a prison guard for this hostage taking.

Celeste Odelle (20:29)

And I was like...

And I knew my every hair on my body was going, what, and I knew, I knew that she was the wife of the guard that had screwed up and let this inmate out of their sight or whatever. So it was really like, holy crap, my mind was like, why are we being brought together five years later to see the wife?

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (21:06)

Exactly. You find people that are, it can't be a coincidence.

Celeste Odelle (21:12)

Yeah, exactly. That's exactly. So I'm like, and I was I wasn't super spiritual then, but this was kind of like, what is going on? There is something like there. There is no way this is a coincidence. So I asked her, I said. I told her that I was the person involved in that hostage taking, and this is so weird, but.

Do you, is there something you want to know or? And she was like, Yeah, tell me, tell me your side of the story from that day. So I told her everything from my, you know, from my perspective, and I could hear her crying. It was.

I don't know why to this day that we were brought together, but I firmly, absolutely believe that we were meant to have that conversation for whatever reason. Maybe part of her healing, maybe part of mine, I don't know, but ⁓ it was really, really interesting. So that was kind of one of my first really big...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (22:30)

This is my-

Celeste Odelle (22:38)

Coincidence is that, like this is not, this is not a coincidence. There's reasons why things happen.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (22:49)

Absolutely. That's something people can be aware of. This is something the listeners can bring into their minds as they are considering, maybe this does happen. It's amazing. I feel like it's really aligning that I'm even hearing this story from you, because very occasionally I met people where the timing was so spot on. think how on earth is the timing this good, right?

Celeste Odelle (22:49)

So it.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And that was one of my first really big wake-up calls, you know, okay, I walked away from the religion, but maybe there still is something spiritually. So that was kind of the beginning of my, hmm my curiosity being awakened again, but in a different way.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (23:50)

So how did you, okay, well, lightening up after that's such an intense experience. I'm wondering how did you explore your spirituality, your understanding of the world after this?

Celeste Odelle (23:57)

I know.

Well, I started, I started looking at or watching some videos and just kind of tuning into different ways of thinking. I mean, if you realise that I was raised in a very strict religious home that wasn't really, it didn't feel heart-based, it felt rule-based. So now I was trying to understand maybe there are other ways of thinking and seeing things and perspectives, and it was right around that time also that I was starting to get to see a counsellor to heal with some of my past and just start to make sense of things.

So, at that point, it was just kind of opening my mind to maybe there is something spiritual out there, and it's not the rule-based system that I was taught. And then I ended up...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (25:26)

Question.

Celeste Odelle (25:31)

Sorry.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (25:31)

wondering, did you get more of a feeling after all of this, like there's an overall unity in the world and something can align to look after us?

Celeste Odelle (25:49)

Not yet. I think I was at this point, I was still just ⁓ open to the fact that there might be something.

and what it looked like, I wasn't sure. But as years passed, and I'll share another tidbit or a piece of my life that kind of catapulted me in a direction.  So I ended up getting involved with an abusive narcissist man. And...

That really shook me. It really, really shook me. ⁓

I had, I guess, this idea of that narcissism was just somebody that was selfish and self-absorbed, but I understood it after I was in the depths of this relationship. I understood more of what narcissism actually is. It's very sad and sick, but it's also...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (27:07)

What does it look like?

Celeste Odelle (27:13)

In my case, he was winning my trust and my love by love bombing when I realised later that he didn't even know how to love to begin with, but he knew how to say the right words to bring me in. And then the twisting of.

How do I even say this? The twisting of what everything you think you are, they somehow know how to manipulate and twist that. And I'm not saying that I blame everything on him because I now know and feel that.

The only way somebody can play that game with you is if you're a willing participant. And I mean, I can't say I was a willing participant, but it takes two to play the game as far as if I didn't allow it.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (28:15)

Wow.

I see what you're saying

Celeste Odelle (28:30)

But I did end up feeling very confused and messy, excuse me, messy through that relationship, very messy. And didn't even really know who I was. And so I'm continuing to try and get some counselling and wrap my head around some of this confusion and abuse that's going on.

And he actually agreed to go with me one time. so the longs... It was funny, actually, now that I think about it, because he was stringing ideas together to make it look a certain way for the counsellor, that it wasn't even really what was going on. So it was kind of funny. But she suggested we...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (29:04)

How did that go?

Celeste Odelle (29:30)

We were going away for a weekend, and she gave us some homework to do while we were away. So we go away for a weekend to this beautiful lake.

And we're there maybe, maybe two hours at the most in this new this other city. And we're lying by the beach, and I'm like, Okay, now I can relax. And I get struck down by this branch off this tree that is about 10 inches diameter by maybe 40 inches long and it comes down and just like levels me to the ground.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (30:18)

What happened? It landed on you? What exactly happened there?

Celeste Odelle (30:19)

So here I am.

And I wasn't sure if I was gonna, like, I was kind of in and out of consciousness, and there was this next level of, okay, there's something spiritually going on here because I felt like, I felt like.

I was there and then I wasn't there and then I was there and I wasn't

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (30:46)

So the tree landed on you. Let's walk through that experience of, so did it land on a limb? Let's really paint a picture here of what happened there.

Celeste Odelle (30:50)

Yes.

Okay, so I'm lying under the tree with my partner at the time. And we are just lying on a blanket for shade. And keeping in mind, life had been so chaotic up to this point, also with this person, too. So it kind of kept, yes. Yeah. So I just barely closed my eyes, and I'm like, okay, all right. I'm gonna just let that morning, it was a tough morning with him. I'm gonna just let that wash away and have a good day.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (31:26)

So you're with the narcissist under a tree, basically.

Celeste Odelle (31:49)

And then I hear this crack, and I open my eyes, and this tree or this branch that has so many other branches coming off of it is coming down towards me. it's like there's so many branches. I don't even know where it's going to land and I'm on my laying on my back. So I have to try and get up and somehow figure out where it's going to land and get out of the way because it was coming right for me. And so I was halfway standing up when the tree struck me down into the ground, and the screams and the people around. And it was just as chaotic as it looked. It was chaotic for sure. ⁓

Celeste Odelle (32:46)

I couldn't move. I was obviously in shock, and I was in and out of consciousness, and I finally felt somebody touch my shoulder, and he said, I'm a doctor. I saw the accident from down the beach. I just wanna, like he says, don't move. like.

I don't think I can anyway, buddy. But he says, I'm going to just touch your neck and see if that's broken. ⁓ But the ambulance is on their way. So when I actually got eventually turned over and so on, there were probably 20 firefighters and ambulance people around me, and you know, 50 or 100 looky-loos. But my boyfriend was nowhere to be found. And so the fellow that was helping me or taking care of me.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (33:53)

He left, did he leave you entirely?

Celeste Odelle (34:04)

At that point, I had no idea where he had gone. So one of the ambulance people said, You know, are you here by yourself? I'm like, no, my boyfriend's here. And they're like, where is he? I'm like, and then out of the corner of, I know, and then out of the corner of my eye, I see him way down the beach by himself.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (34:21)

My gosh, he abandoned you!

Celeste Odelle (34:31)

And so I pointed to him. So the ambulance attendant went and talked to him. And I don't know what he said. I have to this day, I have no idea what he said, but they both came back and he's like, oh, babe, know, blah, blah, blah. Well, as soon as they, oh, and they're gonna take me to the hospital, of course. And he's like, No, you got this, you got this. And I'm like, oh yeah, okay, I'm fine.

I wasn't fine at all, but I was in such shock.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (35:05)

He was trying to convince you, hang on, hang on. He was trying to convince you that you were fine when you had been hit by a tree. So that's the sort of thing that a narcissist might do. Basically, convincing you that your reality isn't your reality.

Celeste Odelle (35:13)

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and I was in so much shock that I couldn't even advocate or think for myself, you know what I mean? And so the ambulance guys are looking at my boyfriend, going like, Are you crazy? But anyway, so I did not end up going to the hospital then.

I waited until we were home from our romantic weekend away. But yeah, it was pretty crazy. So as soon as the paramedics left, I asked myself, like, where were you? Like, what? What the heck? And he's like, oh.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (35:56)

WHA-

Men, right?

Celeste Odelle (36:15)

That was just so much to take. I just needed to go be by myself for a minute or something like that. I'm just like, that was...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (36:24)

My goodness.

The alarming thing is that I've heard lines like that. These things happen, maybe not with a tree, but it happens. Oh, you're in an actual emergency. I need some time.

Celeste Odelle (36:37)

It does. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. And he made it, you know, about him, which it was really interesting, you know, the whole dynamic of the relationship in a nutshell, that's kind of, you know, it was it was all coming to light. So anyways, it was interesting to me how this accident. So I was bedridden for a few months.

And it stopped me in my tracks. It was like, I was like, go, go, go, chaos, chaos, chaos, go, go, go with my work, my relationships, like, and everything in my life. To have something happen that stopped me in my tracks. I'm bedridden in so much pain, I can hardly stand it, staring at the ceiling, analysing my life.

And that was like, that was the hardest. I call it the dark night of the soul because there were times when I had planned how I was gonna end my life. I was done.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (37:58)

Were you, and this is a big deal, and I think I'll need to really put a disclaimer in the show notes to say, look, we will be talking about these things, and absolutely, I'll kind of add something on, attach it to the beginning, but I'm so curious. So you're in bed for a long time, and I'm wondering what was going through your head. Were you wondering?

Celeste Odelle (38:08)

Yes, yes, thank you. Yeah.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (38:25)

Were you trying to process how all these crises had happened again and again? Were you wondering what's the point of just facing hurdle after hurdle? What was going through your head at this point?

Celeste Odelle (38:38)

Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's exactly what was going through my head is like, what is the point if this is it to life? I'm out. I am out.

I think up until that point, I had managed somehow to just, you know, squeak by mentally and emotionally because, you know, busy with kids and life and work and this and that. I would distractions and I would go to the gym, and I was really fit and active. And that would be my adrenaline rush to kind of cope with nothing, and it really stopped me in my tracks. I mean, the pain, the physical pain itself, was enough to drive me crazy. But I also was knowing that I'm in an abusive relationship that I can't seem to get out of. And all the shame and guilt and know, craziness that had happened to me, you know, leading up to this point. I was just like one big ball of holy crap. And I'll never forget the night that I decided I'm going to make it look like an accident, and I'm going to go.

And the only thing that stopped me at that time was...

I mean, there was probably multiple things, but the main thing that stopped me at that time is that I was in so much pain I couldn't even get out of bed to do it. It was stopped, like I couldn't even physically manage it. I'm like, okay, well, I'll...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (40:43)

My God. My goodness. You are so you're in that much pain as well. Was anyone around to help you in your at least physical pain and mental journey?

Celeste Odelle (40:53)

Yeah.

No, not really. I and I was, I relied on a couple of friends. I mean, my family wasn't really, and I, you gotta remember that my mindset was that I don't wanna be a burden on anybody either. So I just stopped calling people. I stopped calling friends. I mean, what am gonna say?

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (41:00)

No one was around. So part of this was isolation.

Celeste Odelle (41:27)

that it was the same old broken record in my abusive relationship and in my life. It was the same old broken record. I stopped being open to friends and family just because I was in...

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (41:38)

I'm wondering, did you worry that people were going to think she has yet another crisis? How is she having so many crises? Were you worried that people were going to have that sort of reaction?

Celeste Odelle (42:01)

I think I was in such a self-pity place that I didn't care about that part so much, but I was just so overwhelmed with jealousy of somebody that was having a you know, happy life. It was like, could, it was that, like that, envy was really strong because I couldn't seem to get it. I'm like, why are they?

Are these other people having, you know, success in all areas of their life, and I'm not, like, over and over and over again. It was really a bad cycle of thought patterns that I was having at this point. And I think that's why I got to the point where I was just so low that I couldn't see, I couldn't see any hope.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (42:58)

We need to allow time to explore how did you, how did you free yourself from that belief? And I think that some people need to really learn from that now today. How can we free ourselves from the belief that

Celeste Odelle (43:14)

You can.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (43:20)

We are a magnet for weird rubbish. And how do you, how do you trust your life?

Celeste Odelle (43:20)

Okay. Yeah.

Right. And that was, I'll tell you what happened next, and it'll kind of answer some of those questions. So I was again, still with this person, but just so like, like just hanging on by a thread, and a fight ensued over something.

ridiculous, I'm sure, can't even remember. And there was that instinct thing in me again, going, you need to get out of here. You need to leave, you need to flee. And it was like, it was so strong. And as you have heard, I've had those several times now. So I'm like, okay, I need to listen to this. But I didn't have my vehicle there. So I said to him, I said, I'm going to take your truck. I need to go. And he's like, No, you're not.

And so when he wasn't looking, I took his keys and off I went into this snowstorm that nobody was even on the roads because it was so stormy. But here's me driving away because I felt like instinctually I needed to get out of there. And so I found a safe spot to stay for the night. And of course, there is all these abusive messages and texts from, you by the time I got to my destination. I don't know if I responded or if I just said, I'll return it. I'll have it returned tomorrow or something like that. Anyway, so I go to bed and I have the most peaceful sleep I've had in a long

This is unusual. And when I wake up in the morning and I'm kind of, you're kind of still in that, you know, other world or that fog, and I hear something in my bedroom, the bedroom where I'm sleeping. And it says to me, if you don't get out of this relationship, you're dead.

I'm like, okay. So then my eyes fly open, and I sit up, and I can see a misty kind of figure at the end of my bed. I'm not even sure how to describe it. Not, it wasn't like a person, but it was kind of like an essence, I'm gonna say. At the end of my bed and it said again to me, if you don't get out of this relationship, you're dead.

Mike, wow, if I don't need a hammer on the head to get it, okay, I got it. So that was my, I hung on to that to get out of that situation. And I hung on to that to start waking up when I was hearing nudges or directions or guidance or you know, really tapping into my higher self, I'm going to say, ⁓ to trust myself again. But I mean, it didn't happen overnight, of course, but the healing that happened from that point.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (47:18)

So, to clarify the story for a second, we all need to know that you had the tree accident, you had been in bed in pain for a long time, and you were still in the narcissistic relationship, but it sounds like this person had not been supporting you because you were spiralling that much. You weren't even being supported in the relationship that you were still in.

Celeste Odelle (47:34)

Yes.

Yeah.

No, no, not at all.

Now, they're, and so I felt very alone.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (48:10)

Did you end up finding people who could help you?

Celeste Odelle (48:13)

Yes, yes, I finally, ⁓ I finally found somebody that helped. This is like after I'm already out, after I'm, ⁓ you know, had this incident where it was very clear that I need to get out. And anybody that has been in an abusive relationship, I now understand it that

It's not as easy as just, just leave. It's not always that easy because there's something in me that needed to heal too. Yeah. But after I eventually got out and I started seeking some help and made some changes in my life.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (48:50)

Complicated.

Celeste Odelle (49:08)

And only then, did I start to find some peace and perspective and eventually joy that I'd never ever in a million years thought I could.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (49:28)

That's amazing. You finally found your peace. Did you find your peace in single life?

Did you find your pace within yourself instead of with someone else?

Celeste Odelle (49:43)

Exactly. Yeah, I dug in deep into myself rather than trying to chase it or find validation from other people, places or things. So, to kind of, I don't know if you knew this about me, but when I bought a van, and that's where I wrote my book. It was at the ocean front in a van by myself, and I had amazing support through some different friends and different people, and that's where I wrote ReRouted. And the healing that happened

Even though writing the book has been amazing. Like, I feel like I didn't initially start the book to be a book. I started it to be a journal, to look at my whole life from A to Z and finally bring peace to it. And that definitely has happened.

Peace when I let go.

Yeah, I think so for now. I found peace when I finally learned how to love myself. And let go of the, you know, the shame and guilt that had run my life for so many years. And

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (51:18)

good, good.

Celeste Odelle (51:39)

I mean, it doesn't, like I said, I don't think it happens overnight, but doing the daily practices of a little bit of meditation or breath work or journaling or whatever works for you, there's daily practices that say, hey, I'm important and I'm okay. I mean, that goes a long way to eventually releasing some of this old stuff that might be holding us back.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (52:16)

valuing yourself. So look, I appreciate Celeste. I want to really acknowledge that you have been showing us how we can value ourselves and explore our thoughts, our recovery. Your story, I feel like your story could have been a few hours. So if you want to talk another time when I fix up my internet, but you just have so much to tell everybody.

Celeste Odelle (52:19)

Absolutely.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (52:46)

I'm really grateful that you shared your story. Thank you.

Celeste Odelle (52:51)

Thank you for having me here.

Yeah. If anybody wants to grab my book, I was just going to say it's on Amazon. It's called Rerouted, Memoir of a Wild Child. Or they can go to my website and learn more about it.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (52:55)

Amazing. I hope everybody will get your book. Thank you so much for spreading the word, and we can read more about your story. Thanks.

Celeste Odelle (53:26)

Thank you. Thank you so much, Melanie. Have a great day.

Melanie Suzanne Wilson (53:31)

You too.